I'm a 52 yo female who has been married for seventeen years. There's a lot of things going on in my marriage that I don't really understand. I feel like my husband is really selfish (sexually and emotionally), makes excuses when he falls short rather than acknowledging anything, has an issue with lying (although he finds a way to justify everything he says) and has been what I consider to be abusive. I think he's a narcissist.
For example, I had a total hysterectomy back about five weeks ago. Because of complications, I had to be on bed rest for one week and my surgeon recommended that my husband stay home with me for the first week. He did, but I could tell he resented having to be home rather than being at work. He's a complete workaholic and becomes extremely anxious and angry when his schedule is interrupted. Two weeks after that, he completely blew up at me and told me that I was "ungrateful" and that his work had suffered because he had to be home with me. He was upset because he had to hold the house down, which I usually do….I work as a college professor, I'm a doctoral student, I take care of four dogs, a 2300 square foot home, the laundry, cooking etc….I handle his bills, his credit, his weight-loss shot, schedule his doctor/dentist appointments because he claims he doesn't have time…
He has been physically abusive twice in the past; once on Christmas Day in 2020, he broke my finger and then the next year, he threw me into a wall (which he blamed me for; saying that if I hadn't kept pushing him, he wouldn't have done what he did).
I feel like my health and self-esteem has tanked since I married him.
I'm just looking for opinions; I wonder if it's time to divorce and move on.