This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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There’s a certain comfort I get from from having someone sleep next to me. Second date went great!
I recently started a new relationship and I feel already our sex has started to feel like just sex, like not passionate or driven or idk… , I feel especially the last times, he’s been figuring out how to do bare minimum to get himself off and nothing more.. He still talks like he wants to move forward but is also being more passive in his approach, he doesn’t initiate meeting up at all. Even when I invite him he’ll pull back initiative more. in a sort of “just tell me when to be there” kind of way.. It feels off but when I ask him about it, he claims nothing is off and he’s looking forward.. but the way he’s leaving everything up to me, feels like he’s not looking forward to anything at all.
Sometimes I miss being in a relationship.
And also, sometimes I hear a couple verbally brawling about gum (yes, chewing gum) in a public parking lot and really appreciate my friends.
My last thing seems to have naturally fizzled. It seems like something we should have had a conversation about, but at the same time I’m glad to have avoided it.
I’m talking to someone that has been girl chat approved – I haven’t met him in person yet but a few of them have. We have opposite parenting schedules so we’ll have to sort that out. I want to be hopeful, but I’m just skeptical and scared now.
It was interesting to meet up with an ex for the first time since things ended (on relatively good terms). It all felt comfortable catching up, and while I’m not going to wait around for him to see if/when things slow down on his side again, I’m glad we still have such a close connection.
Date last night went pretty well. We played pool (my favorite hobby — her suggestion, not mine) and I played the best I have in months. Felt almost a little bad, but she just told me it was hot and really fun to watch and immediately got to reracking after ever frame. Cute.
Having said that, I got home and my first thought was “fun and cute, but she’s not Situationship Person”, which feels unfortunate, sad, and a little icky on my part. Definitely interested in seeing them again — they’re also not gunning for a long-term thing and also operate on a person-by-person basis and I think we’d have fun.
Going on another first date tonight with someone who is frankly entirely too cool, smart, and gorgeous and I’m quite nervous. Wish me luck DOT.
I’m coming to the realization that I am probably not ready to date, not over her obliterating the life we were building together, and I am probably far more traumatised by that nightmare toxic LTR than I had anticipated and likely need therapy I cannot afford to recover from a crippling physiological anticipatory/social anxiety response that leaves me a nervous wreck as soon as a conversation with a woman becomes flirtatious because I’ve been conditioned to recognize attention as danger…
Just wondering what do other single people do to keep there mind’s occupied off from feeling lonely and sad?
Most my close friends and family are happily married with kids and have little free time, I don’t have many other single friends.
When I’m working I can keep myself occupied, but non-working hours are hard.
I read, watch shows, go for walks, and even just nap throughout the day, but I still have moments most days where the sadness of a possible lifetime of loneliness hits hard and I feel like it’s a battle to get through it.
I asked for advice on this thread yesterday about how to equitably share time between our two houses with my new partner. In my post, I mentioned that I’m moving closer to them and instead of giving me advice on what I specifically asked about, several people got hung up on the moving closer after dating for 3 months.
to be clear, there are so many factors as to why I’m moving to the area (namely it’s my favorite part of the city, close to public transit, more affordable) and I had to move due to my housemate having a family emergency.
being close to my partner was also a factor. I was single for 8 years before this and I’m extremely discerning, but when you know, you know. my relationship is strong, healthy, and full of growth and communication.
but that’s besides the point – why did so many people quickly judge the situation without context, ignore my request, and comment as if I wasn’t even part of the conversation?
I want to be involved in this community as I have so many years of dating experience and a lot to share. I lost access to my old account but I used to be very active on here & people really appreciated my perspective based on the replies, upvotes and DMs that I would get.
But I’m disheartened that it’s acceptable here to ignore someone’s genuine, clear request for advice and offer only judgment, questioning, and projection.
11 months after an 8 year relationship ended, I finally got the courage to ask a woman that I’ve had a crush on, out for lunch. I haven’t had to do this thing since 23. Still just as terrifying and exciting as it was before.
Went well, felt confident and she was very receptive and respectful, unfortunately had a boyfriend. Man was I embarrassed and felt like running away but hey I’m glad I did it. As a younger man I would’ve turned tail and not said a word, happy to see myself able to take “bad news” in stride with a smile, thankfully I am a much more confident human being now. Shame I am probably not going to go back to that spot to avoid making her uncomfortable.
Feeling like I should get out more now and ask earlier to avoid building a crush which is the main cause of the nerves for me.
No idea where to meet women, without looking like all I’m there to do is meet women. All of my normal activities and hobbies like hiking, cooking, and building/working on motorcycles, I do and have done alone for so long I’m unsure of what to even get into. The few things I’ve had ideas of learning and going into recently are all extremely male dominant.
Ah well, life is strange and my previous relationships were all just right place right time kind of events. I’m comfortable on my own now but it is a nice thought to have someone to share my life with and to be a part of theirs. Ah well, keep the feet moving and just see what happens.
I saw a man at a coffee shop that I felt a rare pull towards. He kept looking at me and said Hi, but I regret not talking to him more. I thought he probably had a partner, but I should’ve asked.
How long should you chit chat with a match on OLD before jumping in to what they’re looking for and actual compatibility questions? Assuming their profile is actually filled out and generally we appear to agree on the big stuff.
Why do so many women not respond after matching?
I always send the first message, it’s not a big deal. I like to think I do a pretty good job of responding to or commenting on something in their profile, matching their tone and content. I never comment on appearance nor do I get suggestive.
And then days go by until I get tired of waiting and umatch like a week later.
If you do this, why?
I know it’s way too early for me to think about dating because the love of my life broke up with me two nights ago. I’m just trying to keep my mind off it but can’t consume tv or motion content cuz I get so dizzy from all the crying.
I just wonder how much different the dating landscape is in LA. I had just gotten into a long-term relationship right before Covid and my late 20s and then in my last relationship for a year and a half.
I just feel like it seems so much harder now.
i’ve not been trying to date recently, since i’m moving in a few months and the dating scene in my city is abysmal anyway. but i have met a couple girls while traveling, and have plans to see 3 of them in the coming months on my future travels. it’s kind of a nice situation to be in, to have my peace and focus on my friends at home but enjoy a little fling every once in a while.
i’ve really been at peace being single this year, enjoying my own space and hobbies and friends. i can say im genuinely happy, after unhealthily jumping from relationship to relationship in my 20s and early 30s. i would love a life partner but am okay with the universe taking its time on joining us together.
i also exchanged some belongings with two of my Big Exes this winter, and each time we had a pleasant catch-up. it was good to see them and to be on good terms, and i really am happy to see them doing well without wanting them back.
wishing all peace and contentment this new year, whether it’s with someone or without
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Went on a first date with a woman. It was pleasant just an ok date
Texted her the next morning that we should do something again. She said she didn’t think we were a good fit.
I looked at her insta yesterday before the date. Didn’t watch a story or anything but I looked again and noticed that she blocked me lol. She literally found my profile and preemptively blocked me.
That was odd that has never happened to me before…
anyone else especially hungry for romance after this brutal winter AND six episodes of Heated Rivalry??
Is it really as bad as they say out there for women? I’m currently unhappily married and considering divorce but am worried a happy relationship won’t come either way
Went to a play and happened to be seated next to a solo woman. Gathered up the courage to talk to her at intermission and she was friendly, we talked about theater, hobbies, travel, I thought it flowed decently smoothly. I wasn’t trying to be overtly flirty but I tried to be complementary and engaged and asked questions. After the show I asked if she’d be interested in going to another show sometime, she said yes and gave me her number. Texted her the next day saying it was nice to meet her.
No reply 24 hours later. Which is how it almost always goes for me. Wish I knew what I was doing wrong.
I AM SO EXCITED FOR THE SUPER BOWL!
I just ordered the perfect sweatshirt for it, and now I’m desperately hoping it arrives in time 🥲
I’m invited to a get-together and I already know the vibes are going to be great, so I’m definitely planning on going (now watch another snow storm ruin my plans 😅😂). The last time I was there was for a BBQ/pool party, and while there weren’t really people in my age group there, I still ended up matching with someone awesome on the apps who lived in that area and had a lot of fun. We eventually parted ways because we wanted different things, but it was a good reminder that you really never know how things will play out.
Mostly just excited for the energy, Super Bowl experience, and of course, the halftime show! 🏈💃🏽
I have decided I am going to introduce her to kids. at the end of next month. That will be nearly 5 months into relationship. Nothing crazy we will just do activity together so they can meet. Kids know of her now so this will allow them to meet.
I doubt it will be regular thing but it would be nice if they have a chance to meet in person so they have idea of who I talk about.
I know better than to assume that the guy I’ve been seeing for 2 weeks is dating only me. But when he told me that he had another first date recently, I felt a pang of anxiety. What’s crazy is that I went on a date with another guy myself. I was racking my brain why I was feeling this way. Then it hit me that my last heartbreak was basically me wanting exclusivity but not receiving it, which led to the end of that relationship. When I learned that the new guy is seeing someone else, it poked an old wound. I started feeling better when I realized that. It’s true what they say, “name it to tame it.”
Sorry guys just venting. The ways things been going recently I am for the first time genuinely scared that I will never find anyone.
Historically I have been resilient but I dont know, Im just tired. Less and less energy to put in the effort that it takes.
Sorry future kids. I might not be able to make it to you. I will try but it is not looking good.
Cute train guy and I are going out for a drink tonight!!!
We had basically determined over text that we’re slightly incompatible in some areas and a relationship probably wouldn’t work out. However, we kind of already had a mini date…a few days ago we met up during lunch and hung out for about 40 minutes. And we were kinda flirty. And we’re kinda flirty over text too. And seems excited to meet up tonight and I’m excited too. Idk what I even want to happen at this point, but I’m kind of enjoying it!
Dam 🦫. Had a date cancel because she says she decided to be exclusive with someone else. The gesture is well appreciated and all but it still stings. Dam 🦫, I thought I’d eventually be immune and numbe to this, guess not
Dating a workaholic, has anyone made this work?
I’ve been dating a cop for almost 2 years. Mostly everything has been good, but the most challenging has been his work hours.
Even before we officially dated, it took a month for us to have our first date due to his schedule. Fast forward to now, I feel like I’m missing that best friend feeling. I’m used to having that phase of a relationship where I’m with my person all the time. That “clingy“ phase is what I feel really builds a friendship, a connection.
With this relationship, I feel like my cup never even had the chance to fill. The relationship lacks emotional depth which I feel is because 1. His occupation doesn’t allow him to be as emotional 2. The time we spend together is limited because he has to work all the time. Some of it is mandatory OT, but most of it is him looking for the work.
Has anyone else experienced something similar with a person who works a lot? How can I develop a relationship that has the emotional depth I’m looking for without the person being consistently present?
I had a first “date” with a guy last week. We met during the daytime in a park near my house. We sat and chatted for an hour or so. Gave him a hug hello and goodbye. I didn’t really find him physically attractive, he was also pretty negative and gave me “karen” vibes with a story about reporting his neighbours for something innocuous. Certainly no chemistry from my POV.
Either way no huge red flags on our date, I just wasn’t interested to see him again.
He kept messaging and I replied politely a few times, while also just trying to slowly ghost. He asked if I want to meet up on Saturday at a cafe, I didn’t reply as I was busy with friends, then the next day he sends “Good morning! :)”
So I had to tell him basically “Hi NAME, I had a nice time meeting you and you’re a nice guy, but I just didn’t feel a romantic connection, So I don’t think we should meet again, sorry about that.”
He said “That’s ok, normal for (my country that we live in, he’s been here 8 years). I know it’s not gonna go anywhere, but I’m curious, how did you make a decision about such a long and serious thing in life as a relationship by spending 1 hour with a person?”
Now I just felt like he took this first “date” way too serious, and he thinks that me (a 34 year old grown woman) is not capable of making a decision…. I wish I hadn’t replied, but I said that I’d been on a few 1 hour first dates and it’s not a serious thing for me, I said first dates are to assess communication and attraction, and I just wasn’t interested in meeting again.
And he said “ok, thanks for proving how terrible dating and relationship situation is in (country we live in)”.
I found it pretty insulting TBH. He could’ve just said something like “It was nice meeting you too, thanks for letting me know..”
1. Have been giving quite a bit of relationship advice to friends recently. While normally I’d feel unqualified because I am almost always the single friend, it was nice to have some context for the ways I have grown over the past few years. So many things just seem so obvious to me now, both when they happen to me and to others, because I’ve given myself more time and context to learn about these things. Some proof that being single isn’t exactly proof that I’m a bad partner or would be a bad partner
2. One thing I’m a little embarrassed to admit: some people refuse to date smokers, I think women that smoke (sometimes or socially) are hot…it’s the one traditional marketing thing that totally and completely worked on me
hope everyone’s having a great weekend!
Two weeks from the first date to “will you be my girlfriend?’
I have never, ever had a relationship form so quickly and would never, ever have guessed it would have come together at this pace.
I’ve been a bit burned out on dating after getting ghosted, and things not working out with the few people I felt excited about. Out of nowhere, a friend asked if she could set met up with a girl who she didn’t even know. She had gotten to know her dad, and the dad wanted help setting his daughter up. We texted for a bit, ended up meeting and it actually went well, better than most dates I’ve had from OLD, and she was not someone I would ever have matched with.
Funnily, while I was at the bar waiting to pay, at the end of the date, (took forever) a different cute girl started talking to me. We had good banter for a few minutes. If I hadn’t been on a date, that would probably have gone somewhere. Can’t remember the last time something like that happened. Why all at the same time, universe?!
Honestly speaking, it kinda sucks I have no special someone to celebrate my landing a new job with. No one to take out for dinner or spoil just because I feel happy about a new positive change in my life. Of course I’ve let my friends and family know and they’re happy for me, but it’s just not the same. It feels so lonely!
Ugh oh no. Now I have a little Tinder crush and a date scheduled for this week. He’s being *sweet* and *smart* and we have *things in common*. Now I’m too attached and what if we meet in person and it’s just… meh. That almost feels embarrassing for me, like wait I got excited and then THIS is reality? But it’s so hard not to do that for me.
Must be nice to be secure and make a date then move on with your life until the date. I just get more anxious. I am excited to talk to my therapist about this soon because genuinely now that I know I have OCD, I might be able to address this stuff in a way that actually works as I suspect that’s part of it.
After you schedule a date that’s a few days in the future, do you normally keep chatting or wait? Because the silence feels like it would make me nervous and that’s my problem but also… real.
P.S. does anyone else get paranoid that the other person will see your posts here and know who you are…
All these tik tok love gurus… gosh. Mixed messages.
Hearing things like
1. If a guy is sharing random parts of his day that means he likes you
2. A guy who doesn’t flirt with you 24/7 actually likes you more than one that doesn’t flirt
3. If you feel friendzoned it’s actually meaning he wants a relationship with you.
Honestly, these guys making these videos are just here to feed my delusions at this point.
I was stood up for the first time today. I don’t feel upset or angry or hurt. I don’t even feel super disrespected. Thank you shitty Reddit dating advice for the past 2 years 🫡
Okay maybe a tiny bit disappointed. Her photos were gorgeous.
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32nb Update!!!
4th date w 39 was kind of perfect, I like him more and am even more attracted to him every time I see him. He spent the night/we spent the morning together, and I might cowork with him tomorrow. BUT I have my 2nd date with 32m tomorrow…thinking about canceling because we’re not in the same place/looking for the same thing…and 39m and I are!
However, I do Not like canceling plans I’ve already made, especially to do something with someone else. So I think I Will still go on date 2, but like, starting to consider exclusivity with 39m if he’s open to it.
However however! My therapist has challenged me to see how long I can wait to commit to a relationship, as my pattern is to invest too much too quickly before I really get to know someone. I definitely want to talk about marriage and kids with 39m the next time we see each other, I think. We talked about kids briefly, and he said he was terrified by the prospect—need to burst my idyllic bubble and get to the reality of whether we are compatible longterm or not. But on this date we shared our Big Relationship/Breakup lore and that felt really good to hear and share :’)
So!! Round and round we go :)) 🎠