Since early 2024, following my move to a new city, I've (37M) been on and off from dating apps in different periods. I just looked back and I went on a total of 12 dates. This also means hundreds of matches, lots of planning, lots of ghosting, lots of messages sent in vain. Only two of them led to something (short-term), one didn't work out in the end, and the remaining 9 dates were resulted in either no connection, rejections, or fizzling/ghosting. I must say that none of these dates were actually bad. We had fun, drinks, good chats, etc. At least they were nice enough people to hold a conversation with.
The thing is I don't have the patience for another date anymore, I'm done. I don't want to get to know random people if they won't mean anything to me. I'm not curious of what they do in their spare time, what their political views are, if they prefer camping or going to raves, if it's going to cost me 100 messages and disappointment in the end. I know it sounds selfish and pragmatistic but it's how I feel. I know that it's a numbers game but I don't think we talk enough about how debilitating and tiring this process could be. I'm an emotional introverted person, so every possibility makes me excited to find my person, but everything culminates in heartbreak or disappointment in the end. Recovery takes time you know.
I also think after so many failed attempts, you just start to lose your spark and interest. Now, when I'm going on a date, I just carry the weight of all these past failed dates, and I know that the new date will not lead to anything, statistically speaking.
When you're in a new city, you don't have enough network, friends or social activities. I work from home so I'm also pretty isolated in my daily life. That's why I always resorted to dating apps as they seemed like my only choice. So I feel like I'm stuck in this fake universe where you spend your time and energy on vague possibilities. I'm just venting but if anyone else has any input or wants to share their own stories, I'd appreciate that.