Those questions are largely rhetorical. I know that is simply how it is sometimes, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I am a 25 year old person who is ready for a relationship. I'm a gentle soul who has friends, hobbies, interests, pursuits in life, and a whole lotta love to give, yet I have never once gone on a date, been approached, or confessed to. I have tried all sorts of different avenues, from going to events, online dating (my friends have said my profiles are good, and they do not know why I don't get matches), dating posts, going fast and asking out right away, going slow and becoming friends first, approaching IRL, and changing up my looks, and nothing has so much as started. I have tried actively searching, I have tried not searching at all and hoping someone will come to me. People say be patient, but… Nothing happens.

I want to hold hands, give and receive hugs, go to movies and shows and cute dates, hear about my partner's interests, but it's like nobody wants that, everyone is unavailable or already in a relationship, people do not know how to communicate through text to get things going, or that I am too unattractive/so not their type to even be given a chance. I still want to experience something sappy and lovey-dovey, but I feel like I have gotten too old, and maybe I am. I'm at a loss at this point. I want to give up, but at the same time my heart is full and wants to love someone. To be loved back.

I should emphasise, too, that this is not my only focus in life. As I said before, I have great friends I hang out with often, I make new friends easily (and can maintain those friendships), hobbies I thoroughly enjoy, I travel, and go to a lot of gigs. Despite all of that, there is still a hole in my life that is hard to ignore.

Are some people destined to be alone? Are some people just eternally unlucky?


7 comments

  1. People get distant because they’re protecting themselves after bad experiences or they’re just not that into it. Some stay cold to avoid vulnerability, others because dating apps trained them to keep options open. I used to take it personal until I realized most of it isn’t about me – now I match energy and move on quicker

  3. I checked your profile and saw non-binary they/them, there is NOTHING wrong with that. However, it does mean that the dating economy supply and demand situation is just not in your favor.

    Dating is one of those things where gender conformity and in some cases, gender non-conformity, are heavily rewarded. Gender ambiguity just doesn’t have a high demand.

    This doesn’t mean there isn’t anyone for you, it just means you’ll have to be more patient than the average person.

  4. People have preferences, just like you. You may have a smaller dating pool being non-binary and from there only so many will be physically attracted to you and some you won’t be attracted. Physical attraction will always matter somewhat because it’s the difference between a platonic friendship and romance. The people destined to be alone are those with unrealistic standards, there’s a lot of those people as well and are also removed from your dating pool.

  5. Really depends on how you show up and who you’re trying to attract.

    At your age, you’re probably attracting people that are still emotionally immature and have superficial values.

    Try approaching people 5ish years older than you and see how that goes.

  6. I hate to say it man, but life isn’t a fairy tale. You aren’t guaranteed a partner because you did xyz. All you can do is try. You do need to accept the fact you may never meet someone and be completely at peace with that.

  7. My experience is that looking for a relationship to make you happy isn’t the answer. Once you can find happiness in your own life and really start glowing, that’s when it happens. Probably not the answer you want to hear but it has worked for me.

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