This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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20 comments
Never thought I would be crying over a guy I had one date and a little crush on – but here I am.
I think the hardest thing is going to be missing the daily communication after talking so long. He said yesterday that he does always like talking to me, but idk. I feel like he was just being nice.
I am planning on attending my first in-person speed dating event. Anyone here have experience with something like that? I (38M) live in a medium size city and the event is at a local brewery.
Hey!
As a person who is learning how to be and create healthy relationships, a few pieces of advice:
1) It’s never too late! I’m 37 and I’ve realized that some of my understandings of how relationships worked were wrong because what I saw at home and my own shitty marriage colored less shitty alternatives in a brighter light!
2) Build Relational Skills –> I personally really enjoy reading the Gottmans (brave, I know), Jillian Turecki, and Baya Voce. Other voices/podcasts I’ve enjoyed listening to are, On Being episode with Allain de Botton (school of life), Lori Gottlieb on On Purpose and on Huberman (ew, I know, but she’s great there). I’ve also really grown to enjoy Dr. Chris Lee on Instagram and a lot of his work around Nervous Systems.
3) I really enjoyed reading a book called “Say What You Mean” which has helped me be a significantly better listener and has brought me more skills in conversation, in general. Its focus is on Nonviolent Communication, but I think bringing presence to your conversations is just something that’s super important and will make your partner feel heard.
4) Don’t get too caught up in the social media influencer culture around relationships. I think it’s super damaging and a lot of it actually skips over important skills that I think these influencers are just assuming people have? Building strong communication skills with your partner and approaching your partner with curiosity are going to go way further than “if they could they would.”
5) Change therapists — if you’re not finding growth with your therapist, there’s no rule that you need to stick with them. Sometimes a therapist is great for one of your seasons and just isn’t build for your next. Make sure you’re checking in with yourself to make sure you’re making the progress you’d like to be making.
Anyways, best of luck in those streets. Try to stay positive and understand that there are a lot of us looking for love and commitment. Just try to be a person who is forward with their dating goals and honest with the people they’re dating <3
I’ve got a date #2 with someone today and while I do feel like I could pursue something with them, I have a date #1 this weekend with someone and some others I’m chatting with online that I feel I could also connect very well with
How should I approach any future dates with the person today? I won’t tell them I have others I’m interested in but I also don’t want to seem like I’m purposely being flaky with them
I went to another speed dating event last night and met 9 women and tried to match with 2 but no mutual matches.
Its simply difficult to meet people. My 36th birthday is in March and it is getting to a point where I don’t know if I will ever have a wife and children.
The conventional advice of doing hobbies doesnt work. I am trying to get back on dating apps but needs some new photos. Not sure how fruitful OLD will be for me but I need to try something.
I’ve been seeing a guy for a month. Last night, we were on FaceTime and he said he wouldn’t date someone who doesn’t drink. He’s an alcohol enthusiast, craft cocktail hobbyist, and thinks he might want to own a bar one day. He loves sharing culinary and drinking experiences with his partner.
Unfortunately, I am currently undergoing testing and imaging for a disorder that causes liver disease. Some signs of it cropped up in unrelated blood work, and my grandfather also died of it (it has a genetic component). So signs aren’t looking great, and if I do have it, I will need to limit my alcohol intake. I may need a liver transplant one day, which would cause me to stop drink altogether.
How do I handle telling him this? I like him so, so much and I’m worried that I’m going to get ditched because I may not be able to drink in the future. At the same time, it’s so unsure right now and I likely won’t have definitive answers until April due to long specialist appointment waits. I want to be sure of what I’m dealing with but that feels like a long time to keep this from him, knowing he has a dealbreaker, as we grow closer. Any advice?
I am an independent (35) woman in most regards. I have a career and still work very hard to advance with that. I have my own home and am chipping away at the mortgage. I do not have other debt. I buy within my means. I have retirement savings and plans. I take care of my mind, body, soul as much as I can for longevity.
If and when I find my person, I want to live together, I want dual income and to travel together… is this ridiculous to ask and be upfront about from the get go?
Part 2:
I found someone so far that I’m compatible with and really enjoy. We were having a serious conversation about our goals, somehow I did not communicate well, I know I made it sound like I’m seeking a partner for financial gain. I was looking for reassurance from him, I got it, and I didnt give him any.. in fact I was offended by a comment he made implying that I was looking for money… we’ve had misunderstandings in the past and have talked them through.. this time, I got angry and told him to F off.. F off he did…
Is there any scenario that you would want to talk to someone again after that?
I’m genuinely starting to lose hope since my last breakup 8 months ago. I took a few months off to pick myself back up, but putting myself back out there has been a total nightmare and has done nothing but hurt my self esteem.
I’ve been rejected by every woman I’ve approached, and then ones who approached me either stood me up or ghosted me. I’ve only been on one date in that time with someone I was introduced to by a mutual friend, who then ghosted me after one date despite telling me she really wanted to meet up again.
At this point I feel like it’s just inherent to who I am. I look at the guys my friends are with and they all tend to be much taller, more masculine and more successful in their careers or art pursuits than I am. I feel like I need to somehow become an entirely different person before I’m even on any woman’s radar.
God, I wish I knew how to flirt properly. I feel like such a goof.
Quick off my chest: i’ve asked myself a lot of self-awareness questions over the past year. And found that I can now articulate very well what it is that I’m looking for in a partner and in simple terms: I want someone to share my life and accomplishments with. Not looking for someone to complete my life. I wanna share values, boundaries, ambitions and see if we align
But the dating apps feel so superficial because, really, they are. So whenever I want to know the answer to the question: “what are you looking for?” it turns girls off because maybe it’s too much too soon? I’m just not sure where to go, because sometimes it just feels like they want games and I have no desire to play them. Just looking for authenticity and alignment, but don’t know where to find that lol
Are people liking Bumble these days? I remember it being super dead for me when I tried it years ago, but I’ve seen it mentioned on these threads recently and I’m thinking of giving it another go.
What’s the protocol on being left on read when to follow up with another message? I always feel like it’s going to look cringe to double text to revive the conversation.
We have a date coming up tomorrow so I guess I have a good reason to reach out but in general this is something that will just happen sometimes with matches.
How do you deal with having had a great first date with great physical chemistry but no sense of where it’ll go because of unusual life circumstances? Living in different cities and lots of life transitions. I guess I know the obvious answer is to live in the moment but ughhhh where is my crystal ball??!
Still overwhelmed by life but im feeling better than i have in a long time. That woman at the bowling alley flipped a switch in me, lol.
So, ah, Reddit decided to be weird and put me in Reddit jail for 6 days with a temporary suspension. Thankfully that has been rectified and I’m now a free man!!
I’ve also heard that some women like ex convicts. Well, I’m just saying, I’ve done hard time in one of the most notoriously tough prisons of all time: Reddit.
You know. Just saying…
AITA?
I’ve been seeing a woman since the end of December. She’s going to the west coast for a concert and wanted me to come with her (6 hour flight, hotel etc.)
I said I’d think about it, and then ultimately said no. When she asked why, I just said I didn’t want to commit to a 4 day trip for a concert but I’d be happy to drive her to the airport and pick her up etc.
She’s been weird ever since then expressed that she’s upset that I didn’t want to come.
It seems a bit soon for me considering we are still very much in the early phases of dating?
I wasn’t planning on dating, but now I’m 3 months in and going really well on all accounts. I have never talked to my kids (8, 6, and 2) about dating!
They already know and like him and his kid from before we started dating (similar social circles in the community), and they know I talk to him a lot. I want to start talking about the topic of dating without necessarily telling them I’m dating him specifically.
It’s been years since the divorce and the marriage was awful, so they’re not at all going to be surprised by the idea of dad and I not getting back together – they’re happy we’re not together.
TIA!
Woah. I just had an irl meet cute. With some surprising alignment. I’m still excited about faraway dream man but a local meet cute the same week?!
This is a much need confidence boost. Thank you universe!! Let’s go, 2026!
chat my life continues to be insane. i met a guy on raya and we quickly discovered we live in the same building?? anyone have experience with this? our date was good but it was so insane riding up the elevator at the end 😭 at least i have a hot neighbour?