i (26F) was seeing a man (38M, i know – decent gap) for almost two months. we both put that we’re looking for a life partner on our profiles.
first date went well then he invited me back to his place saying no pressure if i didn’t want to. this instantly made me realize he wasn’t looking for something serious and made my guard go up. i declined saying i needed to feed my cats and went home but we continued to go out.
second date he comes to me and makes a move on me in the car – using heavy tongue. i felt like that was way too fast and it made me uncomfortable. i’ve been lusted after by 99% of men i’ve dated and always just wanted someone who would respect the time it takes me to open up and ask if im okay with a kiss before going in for a make out session. i am humbly saying that im an attractive woman and i think men assume im the sexy fiery type but im the shy, respectful type.. he suggests watching a movie at my place and atp im seeing him as someone who only wants something casual.
he comes over and we cuddle a bit, he tried escalating and i was saved by a phone call from my mom. he left right after that and seemed like he turned into a different person once he realized he wasn’t getting laid. this made me believe even more he just wanted sex. then he goes away for the holidays and sees me once he comes back. he stops pushing for sex ATP but we do cuddle and make out and i like that he didn’t pressure me into anything else. he started showing what he liked sexually (being dominant) and we were aligned with that dynamic. still did not have sex though. we went on nice dates.
i felt like he had a wall up. on our last date (the 6th i believe) i had a few drinks and cried in the bathroom because he checked all of my boxes on paper but i didn’t feel that emotional connection the way i did with my ex boyfriend that i loved profoundly. but im the type to see if things can grow with time, he did have some awkward social traits to him and i didnt judge him for it. we had similar mindsets for a lot of things but i felt like he was used to just having fun with women – hence why he was older and never had a serious commitment.
i started to pick his brain more towards the end because i realized i dont know much about him on a deeper level and felt like this was wasting time. he opens up a bit and i felt like we connected more on this date. he texts me a few days later asking when i plan to get married and what my timeline is like. he told me he wants to get married within 1-2 years. i felt like this was a test to see my reaction and how serious i was. i told him i would like to be married by 30 and always wanted to build a happy family and be a mother. i don’t want to have kids too late in life, but for now having my pets suffices. he said he could tell i have family values.
fast forward a day later – he messaged me saying it’s probably best we don’t continue to go on dates. that he was thinking about the potential of a relationship lately – and with my birthday and valentine’s day coming up (mind you he told me he wanted to take me somewhere special for my birthday and said he would book a ballet) he thinks it’s best to say this now. he said we align on so many things and have the same humor but it felt more like a ‘friend vibe, maybe it’s the big age gap im not too sure.’ and that im the nicest person he’s met in this area. he also talked about how mature i am and how that’s hard to find around here. he said im not sure if you were contemplating a relationship too so im sorry if this is presumptuous. first of all why would i not be contemplating a relationship.
i told him i appreciate the honesty and felt like i didn’t know him well enough, that he had a wall up and we didn’t have deep conversations. that his age didn’t bother me and i am the type to explore connections im unsure about to see if they grow. i had fun but also am looking for something serious and do not do casual. that i hope he finds what he’s looking for.
he agreed he has trouble opening up to people and wished me well also.
i just believe he initially saw me – thought nice an attractive young girl to have fun with. then when he realized i am not the fun having type he slowed down. then it became real and he was like nope i cant commit. because why do you do this after a fun date where we finally connect deeply and ask about marriage goals and say we’re aligned.
i think im just over men lusting over me then realizing i’m a human being that has standards and emotional needs. they run once the fantasy ends. what was his intention? just sex from the start right?
i’m just burnt out from dating. i love being a put together woman but i fear im constantly attracting men that love the image and nothing more.