Be honest. Am I being a pain in the ass for wanting some effort before putting out? We have been together for 10 years, technically not "Married" but in Alabama we fall under common law. He is very sexual and so am I. I've known for a very long time that he has a very high sexual appetite and I have always met this need and 9/10 I am the initiator when it comes to sec. The only problem is that his switch is ALWAYS on and I have learned that my switch is flipped on when certain things take place. For example, hanging up Christmas lights – total turn on. Stepping up to do dishes or the litter boxes, any sort of tidying before I come home from work (he works from home) – total turn on! Being romantic and surprising me with a small gift or flowers or planning a night out – turn ons, but also just make me feel valued and soft and feminine. Unfortunately more often then not he sleeps during the day he will nap and then work while I'm home making dinner. He also spends a lot of time at band practice (he's in two local bands) and doing shows on the weekends. I want to ask him to try harder or to even give him some ideas of what I need, but I'm not sure if I'm being a spoiled brat here and I'm really not even sure what to ask or suggest that he do with out making him feel forced or obligated. Help!
TL;DR – My husband (46M) wants an abundance of blowjobs and handjobs – I (36F) just want to feel blown away and the occasional hand with the house and our kids. How do I get him to ignite MY spark?