My partner and I have been together for 5 years now and the past 2-3 have felt like a steady decline in our sex life. When we started dating we lived in different cities so would only see each other a few times a week and our sex was regular (like 2-3x a week). This always felt like the lower end of what I wanted, but I love her and that made it more than enough.
Since we moved in it has only slowed down. We may have sex once a week, but it's really like 1-2x a month if someone was tracking. And it isn't just the quantity, it feels like every time she going into it with a "let's just get this done with" attitude.
Recently we went more than a month with nothing and I felt enough was enough. We had a big conversation wherein she said that this pace was the most she could ever sustain and I would have to decide if that were enough for me. I love her and I worry it isn't. she says that everyone's sex life slows down a few years into their relationship, but I just struggle to think of the rest of my life hoping for 1 or 2 quick, unenthusiastic sexes a month.
and we are at the point in our lives where I feel like it will only continue declining. we aren't yet married, have no kids, aren't crazy stressed at work or anything. I just feel it only gets worse from here.
I brought up that maybe we should try therapy, but she seems to think that the therapy that needs to happen is for me individually because I can't be happy with where we are at. she says she needs time to think about what we can change, but it's been a week and we haven't talked again. I asked her if there was anything she was unhappy with in our relationship, but she says I'm doing everything perfectly.
this became a bit of a rant, but i would love some outside perspectives. am I being unrealistic? should I talk with a therapist? should I reopen the conversation with some other avenue? thanks y'all
TL;DR: sex life has decreased in both quality and quantity and I'm not where to go from here