I was seeing someone for a little under 2.5 months. We’d typically see each other once a weekend and would text pretty consistently.
He takes commitment seriously, and said the next girl he wants to date he wants to marry. He also knew I was serious. However, I noticed early on that he’s inconsistent. After periods of deep intimacy or conversations where he would open up, he would disappear the next day. The uncertainty of his mindset really fucked with my head. And I never fully understood where I stood. He was classic hot & cold, I guess. It also seemed like he wanted me to chase him sometimes? He has a pretty big ego in my opinion. But I never really did, yet he knew that I liked him.
One day, he made a comment about me potentially being on a dating app via text. (He doesn’t use dating apps). I took that as a moment to be honest and say that I still have a profile, but I would fully delete it if I knew where our connection was going. (Hoping to get some sort of clarity, not the goal of commitment right then and there).
Well, not to my surprise, he didn’t respond well. He just said that he enjoyed spending time with me but that he needs more time to get to know me better. Me being hurt, I took that as clarity about the situation. Instead of chasing, explaining, or asking questions, I let that be an answer, and I decided not to respond and to leave it at that.
He followed up over a week later, checking in and asking if we could talk on the phone. I was fine until he reached out, so I was a little reluctant, but I still agreed. I wasn’t trying to be difficult, but his hot and cold behavior made it really hard for me to navigate. We got on the phone, and within the first few minutes, I said that this dynamic isn’t serving me anymore and that we should go our own separate ways. It kind of just came out. He didn’t fight for it at all. He just kept saying “I wasn’t there yet.” The conversation didn’t really feel great. I’m sad because I felt a genuine connection and I think he liked me too, but I don’t know how much because he never outwardly would say. I don’t know if he’s just avoidant, has commit commitment issues, or simply doesn’t like me enough or see a future with me.
I just wish he was more honest and open with me sooner, but he didn’t appear like he could be a vulnerable guy. Or maybe he just didn’t want to hurt my feelings. I don’t know, but he would make comments about the future which lead me to believe their could’ve been one (ex: wanting to meet my siblings, telling me his parents know about me, his co-workers/friends know about me, xyz). I know some people may consider this love bombing, but maybe it’s just mixed signals?
Anyways, I feel like I maintained my dignity and self-respect by cutting it off when I knew it wasn’t serving me. But I still feel sad about the situation. and I really don’t know what to make of it or how much he really felt for me. For a chapter that I closed, I still feel wrapped up in the “what ifs.”