Hi everyone, I’m not even sure if this belongs here, but I really don’t know what to do with this and I would appreciate some perspective.
Back in November, I (19, F) was seeing someone casually. Let’s call her Emily (18, F). It was never serious. She would sometimes stay over and we would fall asleep cuddling, nothing sexual. I was clear from the beginning that I did not want a relationship. I was not vague and I did not give false hope. Over time, it became obvious that she wanted more. She told me she was already in love, and after several attempts to step back and restate my boundaries, I ended things because continuing did not feel fair.
Afterwards, Emily made it into a bigger deal than it was, talking to friends and creating drama. Eventually, time passed, and I genuinely moved on.
I even took her saying later that it was a phase and that she was no longer into women as confirmation that it was over.
Recently, I started talking again to someone I had briefly dated a long time ago, and we were considering trying again. Let’s call her Chloe (19, F). This was completely separate and I was genuinely excited about the possibility of giving it another shot with Chloe. Out of nowhere, Emily contacted Chloe. She told Chloe that I was not over her (Chloe), which is completely untrue, and went further, claiming that if I were to give Chloe another chance, I would immediately propose or make some extreme commitment. On top of that, Emily said things about Chloe that I never said. It felt manipulative, unnecessary, and invasive. I messaged Emily calmly asking why she reached out and what she hoped to achieve, but it has left me unsettled.
Then today, I walked past Emily while she was with friends. I did not engage or react, but I heard loud laughter behind me, and later she replied to my message with a strange, mocking sticker.
What frustrates me most is that this is not really about Emily’s behaviour, it is how much it affects me. I do not miss her. I do not want her approval. I do not regret ending things, and I know I was honest about my boundaries. And yet, being misrepresented, laughed at, and turned into a story I do not recognise still bothers me more than I want it to. It is not dramatic sadness, just a quiet irritation and discomfort that lingers longer than it should.
So Reddit, why does this still get under my skin when I know I did the right thing, and how do you actually stop caring in a way that feels real, calm, and self-respecting rather than just pretending it does not matter?