My partner and I are moving in together soon and we keep getting stuck on the money conversation. He makes significantly more than I do. He's not controlling and he's not rude about it, but when we talk about splitting rent and shared bills, he defaults to 50/50 because it's clean. The problem is that 50/50 would push me into a tight month where I'd have to say no to basic things or constantly dip into savings, while for him it's a non-issue.
At the same time, I don't want to feel like I'm being subsidized or like I have less say because he pays more. I want a system that keeps us feeling like a team and doesn't create resentment.
So my question is: what expense-splitting method works best in a situation like this, and how do you set it up in a way that feels respectful? Specifically, how do you decide between 50/50, proportional to income, or splitting fixed costs one way and variable costs another way? And what boundaries or rules help so that the higher earner doesn't accidentally set a lifestyle level the lower earner can't keep up with?
TL;DR: We have an income gap and need a concrete plan for splitting living costs that doesn't create a power imbalance.