My bf and I have been together for 5 years and lived together for 3 years but recently got into a long distance relationship 2 months ago in different states. Recently, he’s been hanging out with one of his coworkers more frequently. He asked me if he could hang out with Sarah (let’s call her that) for drinks because she was moving away to work remotely and I said yes it’s absolutely fine and to tell her I said hi. I’ve met her before and she seemed nice. He told me their night went well, so I’m cool with it.
Then I come to visit him. We were supposed to go skiing with friends and he also invited her too. While skiing, we all kinda got separated and I noticed he was mainly with her and her friend she brought along and not me which was a bummer, but I was also interacting with a girl friend of mine throughout skiing so I guess I shouldn’t complain
So I go back home to my state, and one night I texted him what he was up to and he said he was getting a debriefing drink at his job. Turns out he got home at 1am from working with Sarah in the office. I was uncomfortable but I didn’t say much.
Then he asked me if I was okay with him and Sarah going to a poetry slam and drinks afterwards. I was super hesitant and really felt uncomfortable with it but I said he should go and that it’d be fun.
I’m quite paranoid right now. I do trust he won’t do anything and sure this may just be platonic but I’m scared it’ll turn into an emotional affair. Our relationship isn’t the best right now because of the distance and it seems like our paths may be going separate but we’re still trying really hard to make it work. And I feel like this is might add another layer of complexity. I’ve never looked at through his phone and do not know what they talk about.
And yeah sure I am insecure and I’m working on it, that’s why i appreciate him when he asks me if he could hang out with her. I’ve been cheated on multiple times in the past and I’m trying my best to not be controlling. He’s hung out with one of his female coworkers in the past (got drinks and got home at 12am) and has told her our relationship issues (that I didn’t even know we had). I talked to him about how uncomfortable it made me and he said he couldn’t cut her off of work. Long story short, I firmly believe she was into him. Back then he’s said he tries to avoid her during after work events. But it always made me feel bad when he says he still wants to be friends with her. SO thats why I’m trying to be more open about Sarah, she didn’t give me super crazy vibes but am still iffy on them hanging out.
I’m not really sure what I should do from here. I was thinking of just letting it be unless proven otherwise. But what do y’all think?