My husband and I have been married for 6 years and together for almost 8.
3 months ago, he confessed to me that he is addicted to cocaine. He was already a year in when he confessed and he told me he didn’t want to tell me sooner because he feels we will end up fighting. When he told me, I was shocked and I wanted space away from him. I took a week away from him, living in the same house but sleeping separately. After a week, we talked again and I promised I will support him and asked that he just stay honest with me and he agreed. He said he deleted his dealer’s phone number and threw all his stash out.
After that moment, I stupidly agreed to sign a loan so we can start a small business for him. We focused the last couple of months on that, and I was with him through it all (or so I thought). I thought having this business will keep him busy and away from his vices, but I think it just allowed him to keep it more now that he is making more money.
The other day, I caught him in a lie and he slipped saying he went to his dealer and got more coke, and that he’s been using for atleast two weeks. I got frustrated, and he took this frustration as me “caring all about myself” and not his recovery. He told me that his unhappiness in our relationship is the reason why he uses drugs.
Then, he said that he has been thinking for a couple of weeks that we should separate. He took off his wedding ring and went to the other bedroom, and that’s where we are now. I am shocked, I feel like a rug has been pulled under me again (first time was when I initially found out). This man was my best friend. Yes, for the past year it has been rough with us and I tried to offer to do couple’s counseling, but he didn’t want to do that. He said me initially taking the time away from him when he finally confessed made him feel like I didn’t care for him, even if I never left and didn’t ask him for a separation like we have now. He said speaking to his therapist made him realize that he wants to separate from me. I have been colder with him since I found out, but I have been trying to be supportive in ways that I can. Maybe I fell short on that.
I still love him, and I honestly feel bad he is going through addiction. I asked him last night if this is “it”, and he said for now it is and he cannot answer for sure if we can work things out. I’m heartbroken, he is the only constant person in my life for the last 8 years. We have moved states and cities together and have 3 awesome dogs together.
I understand needing space, but I just feel so lost. He is distant now and I understand that. I am also talking to my therapist to see how I can handle all of this.
Anyone here successfully reconciled with their partner who is battling addiction?