My girlfriend and I have been together for two years. I love her deeply and I’m planning on proposing later this year.
She’s has a best guy friend, they’ve been friends for 10 years now. I’ll call him Joe. Before my relationship with her, they had some history that included sexting and sending photos, but according to her, nothing was ever physical or in person. I believe her on that.
About a month ago, I saw a text from him that said, “send me a pic.” I confronted her, and she explained that he’s been dealing with alcohol issues and that they’ve always had a flirty dynamic, but she insisted nothing has crossed a line since we’ve been together. But agrees he crossed a line. She let me look through her phone, and I did find messages where they were flirting quite a bit. He regularly asks her to fly out to see him, they tell each other they miss each other, and a lot of their communication happens on Snapchat, often through photos.
I’ve been clear that this makes me uncomfortable, especially the fact that some conversations are hidden or deleted. I don’t understand why anything would need to be concealed if it’s truly “nothing,” as she says.
She messaged him saying that needs to stop. He apologized and agreed. Over the past month, things have mostly improved. We’ve had a few conversations about it, and she’s been more transparent, letting me know when they talk on the phone and giving me context about those conversations.
This past weekend, I was out of town and noticed her Snapchat score went up by a couple hundred. I know what the obvious assumption might be, but at the same time, she’s not a very sexual person and I generally do trust her. I have a hard time believing that a conversation through Snapchat photos is anything but innocent though.
I’m struggling to figure out whether I’m ignoring red flags or overthinking things. Given that I’m seriously considering proposing, how would you handle this situation, and where would you draw the line?