I have a pretty big problem I think I'm finally realizing I've been dealing with my whole life: I don't think I fit in any particular friend group.
I feel like I'm always bouncing around between different social groups because my personality isn't entirely one or the other.
By "vanilla" I mean: friends who go to church on Sundays, take their kids to soccer practice. A weekend might look like: a symphony concert, a board game night or dinner at someone's house. I grew up around these people so no beef, but when i suggest going to concerts or whatnot, the answer is usually "nah man, too tired this week"
By party crew I mean: friends who schedule their lives around raves/festivals/clubs, flying halfway around the world for Tomorrowland. Often getting crossfaded before big events, going on 48hr benders, are rabid animals dancing in the moshpit like there's no tomorrow, and can make new friends with a snap of a finger.
Deep down I think I aspire to be the latter crew, but I can never break out of my own shell enough to really be "wild". I have no problem dancing and vibing to music, complimenting and joking with people. But it often feels like I'm cosplaying? Compared to them, I'm a bit stiff, and it's pretty obvious when everyone else around are social animals.