Guys, I really need some advice.
I’ve(F30) been talking to a man(M34) for about six months, and we’ve been intimate for the last two. I genuinely like him, and I thought we were slowly moving toward a relationship. But his behavior has been confusing me.
On one hand, I’m pretty sure he likes me. He surprised me with thoughtful birthday gifts I wasn’t expecting. He sends me reels, always replies, and seems happy when we spend time together. He doesn’t usually initiate, but whenever I do, he agrees immediately. I’ve treated him with a lot of care and attention, and he often tells me I’m very kind and that he feels lucky to have met me.
But when I started hinting that I’d like to move toward something more serious and hoped for more reciprocity, he suddenly became very guarded.
He emphasized that he’s not in a good place to love someone. He told me he went through a horrible breakup that completely broke him. I understand that, everyone has painful breakups. Since we were having such a good time, I thought maybe I could be patient and see where things naturally go.
Then one night after sex, he said something that really triggered me.
He opened up and told me he still has strong feelings for his ex. He said he felt terrible being with me, not because of anything I did, but because he felt like he was cheating on his ex, even though they broke up a year ago. He tried so hard to get rid of this feeling but he couldn’t. Then he started crying.
I know it was rare for him to open up like that, and I appreciate his honesty, but it made me feel extremely insecure and anxious. Jealousy and controlling thoughts came up, which I don’t like about myself. I found myself constantly seeking reassurance from him just to calm my anxiety.
Now I don’t know what to do. I really like him, and he has many traits I’m looking for in a partner, but it seems like he’s not ready for anything serious.
What should I do?
Should I be more patient and give him more care?
Should I walk away?
Or should I try to step back and just be friends?