TLDR; partner of 6 years is recovering alcoholic. I’m having a hard time moving past the things he said and did in the height of his addiction. I am asking for advice on moving past and forgiving.
My partner of 6 years gave up drinking in October, after a few years of struggling with addiction. Around 3 years into our relationship, he randomly started going out and drinking almost every night. I think he was lonely and only knew how to find friends in bars. The problem was he never knew when to stop drinking, and when he drinks he’s not very kind. He got plastered at least 3 times a week and would basically verbally abuse me. He would tell me he hated me, all the ways I made him miserable, break up with me, and then regret it and apologize the next morning promising to make changes.
My mom is an alcoholic so I’ve grown up in this volatile environment and always promised myself I wouldn’t put myself in this position again. In October I finally told him I couldn’t do it anymore. I think that sobered him up and pushed him to attend AA meetings, therapy, quit drinking, and cut out the “friends” who enabled his addiction.
After finally quitting drinking in October, things have been amazing. He’s been SO sweet, caring, loving, and attentive. He’s taking care of himself and rediscovering passions he had forgotten he had. He’s the person I fell in love with again, and I feel so close to him knowing that we can get through hardships together and come out on the other end stronger. He’s been extremely apologetic but above all, he’s been committed to staying sober and making amends. I’m so grateful for him.
The problem is, I can’t forget the awful things he drunkenly said to me. I’d rather not get specific, but on multiple occasions he made insults about my appearance and compared me to past girlfriends. I know he was drunk and lord knows I’ve said and done things I regretted while drunk, but parts of me worry he meant what he said when he was drunk. Like he was finally being honest with me when he was drunk. Sometimes something he said to me will randomly pop in my head and I’ll stew on it for the rest of the day. I will bring it up to him and tell him that it’s sort of eating away at me, and he always reassures me that he didn’t mean what he said, that he loves me, and he will never let things get that bad again. I believe him, but can’t stop that nagging voice in my head.
Does anyone have any advice for moving past and healing from petty, hurtful moments? Any advice for moving past addiction with a partner?