My wife (27F) and I (28M) got married about a year ago and we were dating for a year and a half before that. I love her to death and she’s an amazing person but we are having problems in the bedroom which are really troubling me.
First, I have issues with getting erections so PIV is rare. I think in our relationship, we may have had PIV about 4-5 times only. Personally, I don’t really love PIV but my wife does and I’m okay with it. My issues with erections have preceded me knowing my wife. Slowly, they are getting better and I’m consulting with doctors as well to get myself fixed down there. To make a long story short, I get erections but they don’t last long enough for PIV. I did my research and concluded that my exposure to excessive pornography may have a big role to play in it. I’m trying to quit cold turkey but I fall off the wagon sometimes but I still get back on immediately. I’m getting better at it and my erections are better too.
I visited a urologist and got some tests done. The doc concluded that I don’t have a medical issue with ED but it’s a mental issue. My psychologist recommended that I should meet with a psychiatrist too who specialises in these issues and that consultation is on the cards tomorrow. Long story short, I’m trying to get myself fixed so that I can give her PIV like she wants.
Since these issues with erections were not new for me, I spent a lot of years with my previous partners perfecting my oral skills and I also encouraged introducing toys like dildos and vibrators to ensure that she is satisfied sexually despite not getting PIV. Whenever we are intimate, I ensure that she orgasms multiple times so that she has a good time. Apart from this, I make sure that I take an effort to read about and research new ways to spice up pleasure for her. My orgasm, frankly is not certain due to my issues. We generally get intimate 3-4 times a month but I would certainly want the frequency to be much higher.
Coming to my actual problem and cause of irritation with her. She takes literally zero efforts to spice up intimate sessions for me. I’ve tried to tell her to read up on new things, learn new things and have even told her specifically which kinks I would like to try which are not connected to me having erections (pegging, prostate play, D/s dynamic etc.) Before anyone says that I’m expecting her to be a part of fantasies she does not wish to try, let me tell you that she has enthusiastically agreed to try all of these but only with her words. We have tried pegging a few times but nothing amazing came out of that because I see literally no enthusiasm and that kills my mood completely.
When it comes to actually doing some homework and reading up, she never follows through. We went for our anniversary trip in December and we knew she was going to get her period during those dates. Knowing that, I suggested that we can carry our straps so that we could maybe focus on my pleasure on the trip. She was willing to do it when we spoke about it but on the trip? Not even a lousy handjob.
If anyone feels that her period may have caused her to have a low libido, let me tell you that I make her orgasm multiple times whenever she gets her periods because her libido is really high during that time of the month.
During the trip, though, I decided to see what happens if I don’t initiate anything and exactly that happened what I was thinking, not even a lousy handjob.
I really feel rejected and worthless that the woman I love and find so desirable does not even feel the need to do a little bit for my pleasure. It feels like all she is concerned about is getting her orgasms when we are intimate, pull the covers and sleep off.
Do you think that my married life if going to be like this? I’ve tried to bring up this topic mildly and firmly multiple times. She agrees to do the right thing but NEVER follows through. Is my sex life going to doomed like this forever? And all I have to look forward to is selfish PIV when my erections are finally consistent?
TL;DR – Wife is pretty much content in getting her orgasms and wants PIV much more than I am able to give her because of my ED issues. She is least concerned about indulging in my fantasies or even being enthusiastic in trying to learn about them.