About a week ago I had the weirdest fight with my boyfriend and I just don't know how to act now.
To clarify, as of now I really don't want to break up but rather work things out. I really want this relationship to work.
So, my boyfriend and I are in a relationship since April and sadly had a few arguments over the last months that honestly stressed me out but I always try to work on things so this works.
But this fight was just weird and came out of nowhere, we were just hanging out when he suddenly started to talk, very agitated, very frustrated and almost cried? He said things like 'I don't want a girlfriend with more beard that me', 'I also have preferences and I'm not bisexual' (directed at my leg hair), 'you always wear baggy clothes, never something feminine and tight', 'you sometimes just smell so bad' (meaning I sometimes have bad breath??? I don't know).
He seemed so disgusted and I was so confused. I just broke down, cried, felt so incredibly disgusting and uncomfortable. I questioned if he doesn't even like me, why he even is with me.
(Now I have not shaved my legs in two years, so long before we even met and he always said it was ok, I also have a little baby hair on my upper lip that is a little bit darker but nothing abnormal and in middle school I was so selfconscious about it but learned with time that it is normal, almost all people have it and in the last years didn't even notice it anymore. Literally nothing changed about me since we met!)
He said it seemed to him that it slowly became more of all since we met (I don't think so) and that I obviously at some point did all these things for other man and questions why I don't do these things for him.
When I said it really upset me how he said things and in what tone he just answered that he was just desperate and I shouldn't only see things out of my perspective and see how desperate he was and that it was only that.
In the days after I felt so fucking bad, shaved absolutely everything, dressed a little nicer when we saw each other etc. But I felt absolutely emotionally disconnected and so hurt.
He soon said he doesn't want me to do things I'm uncomfortable with but that left me very confused because I thought that was what he wanted.
After that I kept my texts to him only rational, because I just felt distant. He said it was hurting him and he can't say how long he could take this before he would feel distant to me.
I explained multiple times how I felt, what he did and what I need to feel safer again.
He said he was overwhelmed and didn't know what to do or what I need.
Out of fear I stopped and started to text and hopefully act like before but I still feel hurt and disconnected.
I don't know what to do about this. I feel like I need him to repair my trust, and a rather big gesture to see that he acknowledged and is truly sorry. (I also communicated this to him)
I fear what he will do in the future if this is what he says to me now.
Sorry for the rambling but it's all so cluttered in my head.
I'm struggling with how to move forward and what repair should look like after a conflict like this. How can I communicate my needs and boundaries clearly while also giving the relationship a chance to recover?
I'm sure everything that is in this post I also communicated to him.