I started dating this guy in October.
He's been locked up before and has a hard exterior, but always trys his best to make me happy/ look after me..
I have many mental health issues struggling with my BPD.
I didn't have an option to stay with my dad anymore (rental crisis/ abusive) so I decided to move 3 hours away with my new partner.
I have had an abortion before with my previous partner years ago due to more abuse and lack of support.
We are both very family oriented and wanted to create one together almost immediately.. I've been scared but sorta wanted to settle down with my age and have a child, even chance being a single mother, (I feel like I am going to miss my chance if I don't soon), so naturally we have been trying ..
The other day he asked if he could smoke some m*** with his friends…
He's mentioned stuff before but said he was joking and then I wouldn't really know what to believe
But I out of curiousity said yeah sure, enabling him and yeah he done it a couple times through out the day and k pins? Idk what it is exactly..
But then he shared after I had allowed him he had found some on the floor his friend dropped the day before and smoked it alone in the bathroom on the toilet while I was sleeping.. before he even had asked if he could've done it ??
Feels like if I said no would've he kept it secret and finished it?? He's always put others down who he knows smokes it and I respected him for having his opinion
(I don't care what ppl do, just he made me think he was maybe something he's not ?
Then decided to share hes been on and off for ..5 years??
But says cause it was free, he might as well have… Asks if he looks like a junkie but also his style is a "eshay" and he's tall and intimidating god eyeroll that sounds so ah.
He has a lil stain on one of his teeth and now I think is it cause of that ? And whatever he had told me originally a lie..
Is this something I should even think about trying to trust ?
How can I even begin to wonder what's actually right or wrong .. I want too but ..
If I am pregnant 🙁
I don't have much experience with a partner on it really..
And coming close to being able to tell if I'm positive beginning the whole adventure..
Just feel more like maybe I don't know him at all..
Sorry if it's hard to understand, my brains puzzled and hella ADHD word vomit ..
Thank you ..