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Being sick and disengaging from dating for a week and a half has been so nice.
On the flip side, it absolutely eviscerated most of my matches even with the “hey, I caught the flu may be a few days.”
Sigh
What do you guys think is a normal/acceptable time for someone to respond on dating apps? I feel like it’s different then texting, so I don’t except a quick answer. I often wait 48 hours but I feel like that’s already a lot and would prefer a response within 24 hours. For context: I’m looking for a serious relationship and trying to date with intent.
Hey everyone, I’m a straight 30M, on the autism spectrum, based in the UK and I’ve basically made it to 30 without ever having a single date, especially in my young adult years.
While a lot of my hobbies (gaming, anime, attending cons, D&D, playing trading card games, etc.) can be sociable but insular at the same time, I am really looking to expand my social circles and meet my future partner, preferably in my kind of spaces so they understand me and I understand them.
To put things into perspective, I work in the tech industry, working remotely. I also don’t drive independently, am taking lessons but I’m now having doubts about being able to drive regardless if I pass a test or not (basically assume I’m not going to drive due to my difficulties). I really don’t like things like gigs, festivals and nightclubs, they are very overwhelming for me.
The real question is what should I do with this in mind? How should I approach a potential partner? I feel like I am very good partner material but I’ve effectively fallen through the net.
Went on 2 great dates but no sexual energy. This is new for me. Normally its too much, or the conversation isn’t good. Not sure how to proceed. It feels like I’m hanging out with a good friend.
What’s weird is that I am attracted to him. There’s just no “sexy” or flirtatious energy.
has anyone else noticed the recent trend (last few years), where people are reacting to your message with an emoji and simply not responding with words/carrying on the conversation.. always cracks me up, like what am I supposed to do with this, once again falls on my shoulders to carry on/ignite the conversation
a lot of these are meatballs Im serving up, giving the other person a number of ways to play off and all they do is react with a heart/laugh *shrugs shoulders*
There’s nothing like getting a text message that wasn’t meant for you to open up old wounds. This was a friendship breakup, so a bit different than an ex, but still feels shitty
Back with you lovely people now after a 6 month relationship. Getting all my ducks in a row, therapy, journalling, time with self, and restore my hope before getting back out there. Best of luck for us all, folks!
Been single so long I just given up. 6+ years
It’s my birthday. Last 4 hours and I’m afraid I’m going to spend the rest of it looking at my phone waiting for a text from my ex. I thought I was over it, maybe it is just birthday blues.
It is my birthday today! Definitely would’ve guessed if you asked when I was younger that I would be single at 36, but would not have guessed that I ended up there by actually being the one to end a relationship. Spending more time with friends and family and trying to get past what was a very difficult year for me before I seriously start dating again. The future is… well not bright, certainly not lmao. But I’m leaning into the reminder that the future is unknowable instead of my usual assumption that it will be bad. Could still be bad though!
Things are weird between me (33f) and my BF (39m). We’ve been dating about 9 months pretty seriously, and were thinking about moving in/starting a side business together this year. For what it’s worth, he’s diagnosed autistic/ADHD (+ a few other things) and I’m probably undiagnosed for one or both of those.
Right before the holidays, we had a huge fight. IMO, the cause was very minor and he majorly overreacted due to grief, illness (severe flu), and an undeniably shitty situation he found himself in. When I tried to gently reach out a few days afterward, I got a message full of rage, including: “You can go fuck yourself,” “I don’t want to live like this,” and “I don’t have the will to get past anything.” It felt like he was breaking up with me, but in consideration of everything going on, I put the ball in his court to reach out, otherwise I’d leave him alone. He didn’t do so for a week.
To survive the holidays/not kill myself with anxiety during this interim, I basically started processing it as a breakup, especially the longer went on with no contact. I was definitely sad, bitched a bit with my sisters (maybe a mistake?), and finally got to a place of, OK maybe this is for the best (cope?).
But now he wants to reconcile, or rather, never saw this as “such a big deal” that it would warrant a breakup. He’s sensing that my feelings/behavior have changed since I came back, and I don’t know what to say, because my walls ARE up, and my feelings for him ARE muted right now (probably not gone altogether). It’s complicated because he’s still grieving hard from a family death—not unexpected, but still sad—while I’m feeling a serious need for some space…at a very bad time for him to be alone.
Am I immature for misreading this fight, or perhaps sociopathic for being able to shut off my feelings so quickly? If I’m not here for him when he needs it most, we’re probably doomed anyways, right?
Perhaps relevant history: I was previously in a 12-year relationship where we fought a fair bit, sometimes very intensely, but would NEVER go even a day without resolving it, and were always clear WHILE fighting that we still loved each other. So the lack of clarity/contact in this situation really fucked with me.
Grief is not a hall pass for saying horrible things to someone who is trying to be there for him. Do not belittle yourself to the point that you justify his actions. If that’s how he talks to you about something that is “not a big deal” how will he react when something IS a big deal?
I’m feeling petty. Formerly reliable and consistent guy has been flaky and disrespecting my time by not confirming plans that were HIS IDEA. It’s become a pattern. I’ve brought it up and said I’m at my limit of being flexible and I’m not entertaining “will confirm asap” anymore. This isn’t the same behavior and dynamic I was signing up for when we started dating. I’m done.
Back to being petty. I have a really strong urge to put the 💩 reaction on all his recent texts where he said he’d confirm by a certain time. I’m probably not going to, unless he starts texting me with anything other than an apology for wasting my time.
Date #2 with the woman I met at a bar last week. We’re getting Chinese food and then we are going back to her place.
She is extremely sexually charged and sexually open with me, and directly tells me what she wants (and what she wants is me!). Feeling very relaxed. I don’t know if this will be a long-term thing or not since we just met, but I’m having fun and I appreciate a lot of things about her. It’s so great when I don’t have to do any guess work about them liking me.
Is not thanking a guy for paying for dinner a normal thing?
I go on probably 2 dates a week right now and I always pay for dinner. I’m fine with that, but what I’ve noticed is about 95% of the people I take out never acknowledge that I did that. I don’t expect them to pay, but if someone were to pay for my $100 dinner and drinks I would say “thanks!” It almost feels like it’s taken for granted.
Side note, I’m starting to feel a bit broke. When did dating get so expensive? I read online that suggesting a coffee meetup isn’t a good way to win over a person so I’ve been suggesting dinner and drinks, but I’m not sure how sustainable this is long term if I don’t get second dates lol.
In a moment of weakness yesterday I re-downloaded hinge. Tell me why, MINUTES later after I reactivated my acct, the last guy I went out with sends me a text with photos of his art followed by “whoops wrong person”. Like no way that’s a coincidence right? Needless to say I blocked him, I got such a creepy vibe and he was weird AF on the date
Has anyone had trouble cutting an ex out of their life completely? I had a two year relationship that ended 7 years ago, but he and I have kept in loose contact over the years.
He is an alcoholic. He has untreated mental health problems. He was still problematic over the years since we broke up, but my boundaries were poor throughout and I never considered fully ending contact with him.
Recently I have tightened up my boundaries a hell of a lot. I’m essentially in my angry era for putting up with all the shit I faced for so long, both from other people and from myself.
My ex has been talking to me more and more lately, via texts and calls. We share a unique humour in our communication that contributes towards me finding it hard to get him out of my life.
However, I eventually told him if he talked to me late at night whilst drunk, I would cut contact, because he would sometimes start telling me he loved me and would bring up some things that reminded me of abuse that happened during our relationship. He took this seriously and was apologetic, said he wanted to change and become a better person, wanted to have a respectful friendship with me, etc.
One more thing for context, he has a girlfriend who he has been with for years at this point. I worry that he treats her like he treated me. When he would tell me he loved me I told him how inappropriate I thought it was and shut it down every time. I never got the sense he was telling me this in a romantic sense. It only happened when he was very drunk and nothing physical ever happened.
Last night he sent some messages, all fairly innocuous. He then started talking about a girl who I suspected he cheated on me with during our relationship. If not physically, emotionally. It culminated in me blocking him.
I am feeling torn over this. On one hand, I had vowed to be totally ruthless in all my relationships, standing up to ill treatment. It has pushed some people away and this has been a good thing. But I won’t lie that it’s strangely hard letting him go in particular. I think I still have some kind of trauma bond with him, and I don’t have any close friends left from my 20s. Cutting contact completely makes me feel somehow like I’m losing my younger self.
I know this is a dating sub and this isn’t strictly dating related, but I thought you guys might have some wisdom for me. Thanks x
I met this girl through the apps and have seen her only 3 times over about 5 weeks due to her super demanding/busy work schedule (medical career). Time together has been great. The last two dates went twice as long as I was expecting, but the problem is the between-time… she hardly ever texts, does not reply to me for days at a time (or at all), and it’s causing me to feel so disconnected. I am pretty sure it is not because of a lack of interest.
Anyone ever had this before?
I’m wondering if it’s just an incompatibility that I won’t be able to get over (I’m the type to reply instantly when I see a text), and if I should stop things early before we both continue to get invested. I plan on talking to her about it to see her thoughts/perspective, when I can get a hold of her. Just curious about anyone else’s experience.
For the first time in two years I have a second date.
I enjoyed spending time with her on the first date. We had drinks in a bar. Good conversation on traveling, family and cities we could imagine living in. There was no physical touch except a hug at the beginning and the end.
On Saturday we go for a walk and a coffee. Any tips?
And in general what are your expectations on a second date?
OK this is getting a bit farcical. Over the last few weeks I’ve sent over 700 likes and matched with exactly one instagram bot and got another like that I never matched. Just a few years ago I averaged maybe 1 match a day, and I was also bald and short back then too so I dunno what’s going on.
This isn’t my first OLD rodeo so I have some decent SLR photos, some in a sport coat, some in OCBD with rolled-up sleeves, but something (like a shirtless pic) must be missing.
I noticed many women have really fancy, even glamorous photos in the profile. Sometimes obviously professionally taken, sometimes at least carefully posed. To be safe, I had google recreate a few of the actual photos, down to poses and outfits: [https://imgur.com/a/bDZGohR](https://imgur.com/a/bDZGohR)
What would be an equivalent for men? Just a suit and tie? Seems boring but I dunno, would that help? Some other ideas?
Why does it seem impossible to find a woman to date? It feels more impossible than waiting for pigs to fly.
I feel like most people say dating sucks now a days because they’re actually going out on dates, but it’s just not working out, or they’re emotionally unavailable etc. For me it’s the opposite…I simply don’t get dates at all. I cant even get the process started and get past step 1 and have a single woman mutually interested in me back to go on a simple date.
Sometimes I feel like there’s an invisible sign over my head that says, “ignore him” and I’m the only one who can’t see it.
Just recently I installed hinge again and got two matches. The first one gave me her number and she seemed interested. Then once it came time to offer a date, she ghosted. Second girl said she’d be free that following Thursday. I planned everything, time/place (obviously I was going to pay) then boom…ghosted. When I ask women out in person…I get crickets.
I truly don’t understand wtf is wrong with me.
To anyone out there who has had very bad food poisoning. I see you. I’ve had it this week, and oh boy. It was fucking ROUGH!
I’m just now recovering, but I thought my time may have been up for a second, and I saw myself standing at the gates of hell, checking in.
7 weeks in, and falling harddddd
I am so happy with how things have been going.
He’s coming to my work cocktail party tomorrow night and my softball game Sunday where some of my friends will be. Hope all goes well
My first date the other day had a profile that said he wanted a serious relationship etc, and then told me on the date that he’s not sure he believes in serious relationships or marriage anymore after his last relationship with a woman who I now know way too much about. 🙃 On the bright side, the bar was a cute spot. I’m gonna take a friend there the next time she’s in town.
I was supposed to have a different first date tomorrow. He suggested the day/time, asked me where I wanted to go, I asked him what part of town he wanted to meet so I could suggest a place, annnnnd he has been radio silent in response to that for two days now so I doubt we’re meeting.
Back to the drawing board?