dont know if this story is strange but here’s the full picture.
I’ve met this guy in university (im 23, he’s 21) a few months ago, we started off as friends but had a sexual vibe going on between us. Occasionally i caught him staring and other subtle but obvious things. I admit i wanted something more even back then but then had to make myself forget about it when he’s started telling me that he had a ‘ crush’ with whom it’s complicated but he’s dedicated to her. I kept talking to other people from my side too.
We got really close during the final exams period which was a month ago. He’s a genuinely nice person despite seeming too introverted and closed off. he’s helped me a lot with the exams being one of the top in class. During that time, he admitted that his relationship was basically over after almost 2 years ever since the last 3 months but he stayed in contact to try to work things out hence the fact that he called her a complicated crush . Even then, it partly was my own selfish feelings but i helped him come in terms with it, and convince him that he can love again and all the things and i think it’s only ~3 weeks ago from now that he accepted it really was over for good, and that i helped with that.
Seeing the full picture or at least the things he’s told me about why it ended, i feel like he was done kind of dirty by her. We’ve had very long talks, serious and non serious about everything going on in our lives and he’s very gentle, caring, supportive and sentimental. I have my own shit going on too and i never had that much affection and support from anyone in such a short time, and he’s very honest. We get along so well, he was there for me on my birthday because last week because he knew i’ll be alone that day. And we ended up kissing and doing things… I know people could say i am getting used or taken advantage of which is why im insisting on all of this. I cant help it ive had my own share of dating (which is why i dont feel insecure about his story tbh) but I feel like ive very rarely been treated this way with so much care and naturally i cant help getting attached despite everything .
He’s never changed his attitude during all this, he’s always insisted that we’re friends anyways and he was clear that atm he feels dead inside and kind of angry because of what happens and that he will probably need months to recover. I respect his decision since it makes the most sense. But from my side, i cant help but think that in other circumstances without this story we could’ve been together instead. Everything about him makes me want to do anything to make him happy, i cant help but wish i was the one that he fell for instead or occasionally daydream about all i could’ve done for him if we were together. I had one conversation with him about all of this but i didnt mention my feelings, he told me that he was ready to stop anything physical if it could complicate anything for me, and that he wouldn’t get in a relationship with someone if it wasnt serious and wants a future with the person (he’s more cautious about it after his experience). It also never occurred to me at first but he has a low self esteem, clearly couldn’t comprehend the idea that someone could develop feelings for him if he didnt put a lot of effort and that he’s not an interesting partner like other guys which all baffles me (?). He told me that he cant know how he could feel later down the road but that right now he’s in no position to develop feelings for me or anyone..
Even with clear communication some things leave me confused, sometimes i dont get why he even started talking to me by the end of the relationship because thinking about it it was never a regular friendship, or why he’s even taking so much interest in me, like asking me many questions about my views on relationships, future etc,,,if he’s never considered me like a partner now. But realistically im wondering if i even have a chance.I feel like it’s kind of too late for me to cut him off at this point because I would be devastated if it happened either way. It’s not his fault that im single but being with him hardly makes me want to date.
I know that if there was some dealbreaker about us I would just leave it, but that in some normal good world there is no way I wouldn’t have asked him to be in a relationship rn but that’s life so i wanted help with outside perspective. The thing is that i dont know if im leading a losing battle, part of me wants to wait and see if he’a going to be ready for something someday, but im afraid it’s all going to be for nothing because if he were to develop feelings he would have. I dont know how to proceed, or if enough healing would make him look at me. I also feel physically incapable of cutting him off rn not even mentioning that we see each other at school. I dont know how to sort it out
Thanks for reading all this
TLDR: i have a ‘weird’ friendship with a gut i met in uni last september. I’ve always known he was attracted to me but brushed it off when i knew he had a crush. Later on as we got closer i learnt it’s actually a deteriorating relationship he officially broken off just a few weeks ago that caused him lot of pain. We get along a lot, he’s a good guy and we’re very attracted to each other. Im getting attached and keep on wishing we were in a relationship but he’s clearly not even slightly ready for these months according to him,nor have actual feelings currently. He’s a very good and honest guy who also have low self esteem problems becaue he didnt even consider i might like him until i brought it up as a possibility. I dont know what i should do anymore, im lost and i dont know if i have hope, or if it’s best to move on.