Hi all,
My gf and I have been dating a year now and I have spent the last year getting very close with her family. For some context, she lives at home with her mom, step dad, two sisters, and a chill ass dog (my guy). Her step dad is a truck driver so he is away for 1-2 months then comes home for a week or two and leaves again. I have spent the last year basically being the man of the house when her step dad is gone. I help out, lift heavy things, give advice, spend time with them, try to be a good role model, etc. When her dad is home I always come over and drink with him and we have a great time. He’s a really cool dude. Her sisters are great. Her mom, sometimes great, sometimes not so much. Her mom was raised in some bad environments and gets very aggressive and possessive. So much so that it started getting a little weird when back in October, she said to me while drinking “if you want to see my daughter on your birthday (new years eve) it has to be here at our house.” And I kind of laughed it off and thought it was weird but thought she also could’ve meant it. The holidays rolled around and my gf and I barely hung out, and for Christmas her family didn’t want me over. They invited me on Christmas Eve though so I left my family after spending some time with them to make sure I spent some time with her family as well. I told my gf to give them a card I had written for them thanking them for accepting me into their family and including me. They didn’t end up getting me anything, or making anything, saying thank you for the card, or asking how my Christmas went despite me doing that for them, but I just shook it off. I don’t expect anything but it did hurt a little. My birthday rolled around (nye) and her mom got upset at her for making plans with me and told her she couldn’t go so my gf came over and went to dinner but also flaked on a big part of my bday plans after that we had already paid for because of her mom. I was already going to make sure she was home for midnight with her family and was going to go over. My gf also told me her mom didn’t want me over anymore. So that was a crappy ending to my bday. Also no acknowledgment of my bday from her family. No card, no gift, no wish, nothing. Just told my gf to come home. So I’m pretty hurt by her family and frustrated my gf won’t stick up for me. I understand she’s scared of her mom, but it’s frustrating.
Should I lower my expectations? Maybe not be so close with the family? Make it more casual? I don’t want to hold this against my gf but this is the reality of the situation. She’s not sticking up for me. I love her very much, but this sucks.
TL;DR : I feel like my (m22) gf’s (f20) family is pushing me out and being rude, and it hurts that my gf doesn’t defend me.