i actually already broke up with him but we live together and he’s been begging for us not to break up.
context i think is needed (sorry for the long post):
together for a year and half, he moved in with me which is very close to his job and centric in general, i work remotely and earn his salary almost 3x, and we initially agreed i would take care of rent and he would take care of utilities, but i also take care of mostly all of the house maintenance bc i WFH.
a few months ago, he realized a friend from high school lives in the same property we do, different building. he started hanging out with him, drinking at his place and we would initially coordinate us both going out the same day so that we could spend the next day together. i have the weekends off, he only has sundays off. i requested recently that he plans dates for us on Sundays since it started feeling like we were roommates instead of a couple. he did it sometimes, other times we would just stay home bc we’re kinda introverts anyways.
he started hanging out more and more often with this friend, almost weekly even when i’d be home and we could hang out, and he’d always arrive super drunk. i was mostly ok with it bc im a 24/7 stoner so who am i to judge. but i did mention a few times he should slow down. a couple of weeks ago he came home at 2 am super drunk and in the middle of the night i guess he dreamt he went to the bathroom but instead peed in the corner of our room. he was very apologetic and embarrassed and promised he would slow down the drinking.
this past saturday i had an emotional crisis (my fault, i missed my antidepressives for three days bc of the new year haze). he already had plans w his friend so when he got home i didnt really expect him to stay but i wished he did. he left after he saw i was doing better and came home 3 am stumbling and making a ton of noise. i felt so disappointed, he didnt care what he promised me and he didnt care about me. the next day i told him i was done; he’s been swearing he’ll quit drinking and cut off his friend and focus on being a good partner. he’s been cleaning the whole house and feeding the cats. everything i keep asking him to do and he typically does do it once i’m angry and only for a few days after. i feel so stupid.
i do wanna say that i dont react peacefully to anything i’ve described. when i finally get angry, i really explode. i know its not healthy, and i know i hurt him a lot of the time, but i also know im right to be angry. he’s the best partner i’ve had in every other sense, but lately i feel like maybe i’ve made his life too comfortable, and he takes me for granted, and that his only motivation is not losing the lifestyle we have, instead of not losing me.
i value any advice given but i specially value any input from older women. i fear i will regret losing him, who i truly believe loves me (even in his male-deficient way), but i also suspect i will regret staying more than i will regret leaving.