I ‘35F’ have met someone ‘47M’, I met him in my work place about 6 months ago, he’s not there anymore, we are both contractors. He recently learned I was single and got in touch with me, there was a spark and I was hoping he was single too and would reach out. We’ve been talking a lot and are going to meet up later today.
Here’s the issue, I have kids and feel extremely guilty about dating anyone, their dad and I broke up in early 2020 due to him cheating a lot, I’ve had one relationship since then which lasted about a year and ended because I didn’t want to live together. My ex (kids dad) has had a lot of girlfriends since 2020 and has one now that he’s been with over a year but makes me feel awful if he catches wind I’m seeing anyone. He has the kids one night a week so any dating occurs on that night and I don’t invite anyone to my house, my kids never even knew I was in the relationship I had after my ex and I broke up.
I still feel controlled by my ex which makes no sense and feel like I’m doing something wrong by seeing any one, he acts like I’m an awful mother that will expose my kids to bad men when in reality it’s been 6 years and I haven’t exposed them to anything, he has though, one girlfriend they met by waking up in the morning and she was there in his bed. He says it’s different for men and women. I know this is BS but it still gets in my head.
I also grew up with a mother that consistently picked men over her children and am very conscious of not doing the same thing
I really like this guy and don’t want to feel guilt around seeing him or mess him around
What can I do to not feel like this?
Tl;dr feeling mum guilt and shamed by my ex around dating