I have abandonment issues, and have had 3 of my past relationships completely switch up on me. One was after we moved in together, one was a LDR after he visited me in person for the first time, and one was the most severe, waiting 5 years and then betraying me in a very intense way that I don’t want to specify here. I took a few years since my last relationship to heal and make sure I chose a better partner the next time I dated, and I feel like I really have.
That anxiety still looms in the background, though. The thought that who he’s showing me is an act that will fall apart any time, or the fear that he’s suddenly going to walk out on me.
He has been extremely consistent, and he absolutely adores me, intentionally sending me at least one deeply affectionate message a day so that I can’t forget how much I mean to him. (I do the same for him) I just wish I could fully enjoy that affection from him. I don’t know how long it will take of him being the same man every single day before I’ll truly believe that’s who he really is. I don’t know how long he’ll need to show me how much he cares for me before I can trust that he won’t just leave. I feel very deeply for him, and I want to feel the peace his behavior deserves. It’s just so hard to tell my brain that my past experiences don’t make him the same as those men.
It is a very new relationship, and that makes it worse, obviously…