I’m a 21 year old guy and I’ve been friends with a 19 year old girl for about eight months. For the past few months we hung out once or twice a week for hours at a time and texted daily, not constantly but consistently. We go to the same church, share social circles, and her mom encouraged our friendship early on.
At first I only saw her as a friend, but over time my feelings grew. We got along easily and slowly opened up. Her parents are against her dating right now, though they always know when we spend time together.
I told her how I felt, but she never confirmed or denied having feelings back, which left me in limbo. She’s the kind of person I’ve wanted to be with and we share similar values. When we talk about dating, she says she wants to stay friends because of her parents, school, and life. She once told me she liked me but said I had done something to mess it up. Later I told her I wished she still liked me, and she didn’t respond. Another time she said she feels like we’ll end up together someday, just not now.
She’s told me about other guys who like her and how she clearly shuts them down, but I’ve never received that same clarity. I value her friendship, but I’m not someone who stays in constant contact. When I pull back, she notices and pulls me back in.
Lately our communication has faded. We stopped hanging out for a couple weeks and barely talked. When we did reconnect, she talked most of the time and shared a lot, but since then things have gone quiet again. I stopped putting in as much effort. I stay busy with flight school, work, fitness, and church, but I can’t stop wondering where this is headed. Lately it feels like I’m grieving the loss of a relationship that never fully happened
Am I being kept in emotional limbo, or is this just a normal slow-burn situation?
Is it possible to stay genuine friends here without hurting myself, or am I delaying an inevitable loss?
At what point does patience turn into self-betrayal in a situation like this?