I’m sitting here packing my bags for a new job, feeling completely broken. My girlfriend (29F) and I (27M) have been together for a year, we met working harvest in California on 2024, we moved from Chile to California to work in the wine industry againon 2025 and recently came back. This Christmas, I went all out. I bought her a high-end coffee machine she’s been wanting. I even told her weeks in advance: 'Hey, I already got your Christmas present, and I even went ahead and bought your birthday gift for March because I found the perfect thing.' I wanted her to feel seen and cared for. Christmas Day comes. I give her the gift. She gives me… nothing. No gift, no card, not even a chocolate. Her excuse was that she 'thought we could go pick something out together later.' It’s not about the money. It’s the fact that I gave her a heads-up, showed her my excitement, and she still couldn't be bothered to put in the minimum effort. I’ve spent years planning experiences for her: road trips, hotels, supporting her through her career slumps, for our anniversary I built this whole 'altar' with pictures, flowers, wine and a hand-written note, and when it was her turn to show up for me, she just didn't. Now, I'm moving 5 hours away for a new job to keep building our future, and she’s giving me the silent treatment because I 'made her feel bad' by being upset about Christmas. I’m starting this new chapter alone, in a tiny rented room, realizing I’ve been a partner to someone who treats my love as a given but offers nothing in return.
I'm struggling with how to handle this transition. Should I try to have one last conversation before I drive 5 hours away for my new job, or is the silent treatment a clear enough message that I should just leave it as it is? How do I stop feeling guilty for being 'disappointed' when I’ve given so much more than I’ve received?
TL;DR: My girlfriend didn't get me anything for christmas, and she is now playing victim because she feels I don't value what she has done for me in the past