This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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I had a date this week with someone, and it was mostly okay but he came across as pining for his ex and emotionally immature. They weren’t unkind, but there were things I didn’t like that turned me off. When I would share a story about myself and my experiences, he would link it back to his ex’s similar experience. When we talked more in depth about things like race or other topics if I named negative emotions he looked taken aback and then started asking interview style questions. At one point, he asked me one thing I’m good at that I don’t like doing, and when I took a moment to think he said “Don’t say blow jobs” Anyway I left that date thinking, “No, not for me.” I was straightforward the next day when I told him I was no longer interested. He thanked me for the feedback and then I unmatched him.
Your friends are here to do life with you. Not be place holders to a man or woman you can’t guarantee will be there for life.
Anyone in their 30s, been single for a while, and struggling to connect or feel anything on dates through the dating apps? I’ve (35, female) been single 7 years (age 29-35), and almost never feel interested. I’m lonely and do want a relationship though, and have felt excited about people in the past, but much less so in my 30s. I finally thought I met someone great a few weeks ago, with whom I’ve been on 4 dates. He immediately struck me as smarter and funnier and more values/interests aligned with me than anyone I’ve been out with in the past few years. So we kept seeing each other. The only thing is – I don’t really FEEL anything when we kiss, and while sex was objectively good, it felt sort of random when it happened (3rd date), like, we’re doing this now? Why? Because dating code suggest 3rd date is “the time?” It didn’t feel super natural to ME and I felt weird about it after. When I saw him on fourth date I asked if we could slow down he was super kind about it and said yes… I hoped maybe that talk would make me feel closer to him in addition to respecting my own boundaries… but I still feel nothing in the realm of thinking about him during the day, daydreaming, huge excitement when he texts. It feels like a friend that I make out with (and sometimes do more). Is this normal? Has anyone felt like this, kept dating, and feelings followed? Or should I be feeling something by now?
I was respectfully approached in the wild this past weekend right after leaving a first date and it was so fun. We have a date this weekend. Men, please do this more!
Ugg broke it off with someone yesterday (talked about it on the daily) and it’s been an absolute shit start to the new year and a terrible birthday. Remembering that I am a very sensitive and feeling person, and I’m wondering how I can keep doing this when it hurts so much when one I like ends?
3 weeks into a breakup from the guy I thought was my forever. it’s been really hard.
He blamed my “anxious reactivity” to his behaviors as one of the reasons he didn’t think it would work, and blamed me for “holding on too tightly” throughout the relationship which I have internalized and keep spiraling into self blame.
Would love some thoughts as to if you think I overreacted by expressing frustration about the following patterns:
* Approx once a month, he would flake on arranged plans without providing advance notice (excuses ranged from falling asleep (again, w no notice to me he was even laying down), to his buddy staying on his couch and needing to “check with him” as to when he would be leaving). none of these were communicated proactively, i would have to follow up on plans and wait for him to reply to get these explanations.
* 3-4 instances over a year and a half where he directly offered support or to come over and be there for me (I did not ask for this, and was not in need of it often), only for him to not check in the next day until 8pm and not address he had even offered anything. one time we had just had a really bad fight, and he offered to take me to a party the next day. then when the next day came, he kept pushing back the time he would leave to come get me because he was “having a really good visit” w his brother. i waited an hour and a half before expressing frustration and he said he was leaving and would call from the road. he made me wait another 1.5 hours before he called bc he was giving his buddy a ride home and the buddy wanted to stop and run some errands.
* If there was tension and I named feeling frustrated etc, or that there was a pattern of behavior that made me question if I was a priority, he would beifly apologize and say he needed the night off to “reflect,” and he would say this for 1-3 nights in a row before coming over to actually talk and make up. by the time we did talk.. it was clear he had not reflected, he would just say what he had said during the initial tension (which was usually defense and that he didnt intend to hurt me). Other times, if he was offended by something I asked for clarity on, he would stop replying for 15+ hours and I would have to follow up.
* texting and communication was sporadic. some days he would message every 2-6 hours. other days, I would not hear from him for 16-18 hours (sometimes he was not even working these days, he was just at home). if he was out of town at all, sometimes he would take 24-36 hours to reply (I didn’t express frustration with texting frequency, it just felt off to me)
* Seemed to pull away when stressed – he was very reserved for weeks on end, would ignore my gentle invites to hang out and would only make small talk over text. he flaked on our plan to reconnect one night by saying he “lost track of time playing guitar” and when i expressed confusion at having to initiate so much lately, he sent a laundry list text of all of the stresses in his life, and said he was going through a hard time and didn’t have the capacity to soothe my overthinking.
* Sporadic support during times of illness or injury. Some times he would come over w a care package and be attentive and wonderful. Other times, like when I got my IUD replaced, he just texted “let me know if you need anything” in the morning and when I later expressed how painful it had been, he did not offer to come by (he was not working at this time and was home all day).
* Words did not always match actions. He worked in film and after his last stressful project ended he said he would not go back to that industry. He spent the next 12 months collecting unemployment and did absolutely nothing in that time to find a new career path. He talked about starting a business but only registered a business number. He eventually went back to the same industry that crushed him at the end of his unemployment period.. by the time we broke up he was burning out from the same industry he swore he’d never go back to.
Are these things you would tolerate in a partner if they were otherwise loving and easy going the other 80% of the time?
Manifesting a relationship in 2026 that doesn’t make me feel anxious. Looking forward to enjoy a stable, regulated nervous system with someone.
Anyone have tips/thoughts on meeting a potential SO at a small indie concert?
My goal first and foremost is to just have fun with my friends, but I won’t deny that this could be an opportunity to meet new people too.
I’m not super great in big crowds of people, but I’ve gotten better recently, I think.
I’m here to rant, but I should really be happy!
I’ve had a pretty miserable experience on the apps over the last 3 years (after a LTR ended). Only really a handful of dates through that entire process, nothing fruitful. Even some unfortunate encounters that further deflated my confidence. Nobody ever sent me likes either, only the odd match from what I’d sent. As a 35 year old bald 5’7 guy, I thought that was just par for the course. Got to the point where I kinda just stopped trying.
All that said, I’m a good looking guy with a very fit body. I knew deep down my photos just weren’t very good; during my LTR I was always behind the camera, so I really had none of myself. Just really bad selfies. Like Facebook Uncle tier photos.
Anyways, on a whim I decided to post a shirtless poolside photo. I have received more matches + likes in the past 72 hours than I did in the entire last year. Perhaps even longer.
All along I thought that was too cringe, too fuccboi-ish to do. But now I’ve matched with women that I find attractive, who are messaging me first, receiving ‘likes’ from the opposite sex for the first time in 3 years. I honestly feel really emotional right now, I don’t think I realized how much even a little bit of validation meant to me. But at the same time, I’m almost kind of mad…? Like, that’s all it took? It’s a confusing emotion, but I’ll push that aside and hopefully something great comes from this newfound attention.
Thanks for reading my rant.
If you view a guys stories less frequently on IG does that mean you’re no longer interested? Also, if he views yours less would that cause you to back off?
Has taken a break from actively “looking” benefitted anyone?
I (30M) feel like I’m in a good spot in my life. I have a good job, workout often, own a home, and have pretty much no baggage (no kids, never married, not a felon, etc). But I’ve been in a real rut lately with girls I’m interested in with fizzling out after 2-3 dates. Feeling a little burned out and bummed about it. Pretty much all of my dates have been through an app, and recently I finally went through all of the people in my area. Maybe it’s the apps that are burning me out. I’ve approached a few women out in public, and although they all rejected me I was so proud of myself for shooting my shot and doing it anyway even though my brain would tell me a billion reasons why I shouldn’t approach.
Everyone tells me that “it’ll happen when you least expect it”. But I feel like if I take myself out of the dating game for a few months, I could miss an opportunity to meet someone.
Take a break, or keep pushing through?
How did you know you were ready to start dating again after a breakup or divorce? I know the answer is different for every person but just looking to see what others felt that let them know they were ready to put themselves back out there.
Update: the man who updated his hinge to reflect looking for short term.
We haven’t had a DTR conversation yet (I’m not ready for that) but he has made it clear that he’s prioritizing our connection over other matches and I’m completely smitten. I feel pretty confident that he is thinking we have potential for long term.
I just want to get rid of this godforsaken cough 👹👹👹 LET ME BREATHE IN PEACE!!!
I remember how brave in love I used to be in my first two relationships…
Now I feel I just do not believe that someone I fall in love with won’t leave me eventually, so I feel like involuntarily I am blocking myself to feel much. But I feel a lot. Today thinking about the guy I am seeing I got so happy I almost cried in the street smiling.
Like what else can I dream of better than a mutual love. Eh. It is such a fairytale. I mean I don’t know where it is going or if it’s going anywhere. But I cannot not daydream. At least I can live a life I want while daydreaming. Why wouldn’t it count just because I cannot touch it.
I am so scared of where the world is going. Everything is collapsing. I just want to disappear in a love bubble and that’s it. I do feel guilty I am doing nothing useful. But I just cannot. I am so exhausted, I only want some lightness, cuddles and giggles.
Not specific to OLD but does anyone else find it hard to get all their shit in order. I live with my parents, but am in the process of buying my first home. It’s the final piece in the puzzle for me. It’s taking ages and I have had 6 weeks wasted due to part of the chain falling through. I would like to meet someone this year, didn’t do any OLD last year I just focused on ME. Tempted to get back into it, I know people prefer guys who rent/own Vs living at home as it means my place is out of action. It’s just it’s still going to take months to get this over the line. Is anyone else in or been in a similar situation?
I (31F) went on 5 dates with 29M. He was fun to spend time with but I wasn’t sure if I could see any feelings developing so I rejected him after the 5th date. I didn’t want to lead him on and didn’t want to keep on going on dates to see if they could develop because I was afraid that any more dates, he’d ask to be my boyfriend. That was almost 11 months ago. A few months ago, he liked me on a dating platform but I swiped left. This morning, he liked me on another one and I’m wondering if I should try to pursue again because I’m quite flattered he’s still trying to make it work. I definitely take a while to truly gain feelings but don’t want to waste someone’s time while I’m figuring it out. Looking for suggestions?
I’ve been texting with this guy for four months… this week I finally had the guts to ask if I could buy him a drink sometime! He said yes (but he’s buying)!!! Now we just have to see if he’ll follow through, but either way I’m proud of myself for asking
There is local theatre group putting on a concert by black actors singing famous musical numbers that many black actors never had chance to due to racial bias
I planned a 3rd date to take a woman there and afterwards to this really nice tapas restaurant
Does this sound like a fun night? She doesn’t really know what we’re doing but I told it’s a black musical series
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Honestly at this point I kind of wish the whole sexual intimacy part of romantic relationships wasn’t a thing lol – I just want a partner with the general romantic/emotional intimacy side of things – holding hands, thoughtful and consistent messages, being one of each other’s “go-to” people, etc. Think of how many more loving connections could be formed if it were this way, ha. I would be fine if they wanted to sleep with others. Maybe I could find this in the poly community?
(And no, I’m not someone who views this kind of person as a “friend.” There is a difference in degree of emotional intimacy between friend and partner for me.)
Haven’t dated since shortly after college, gained a ton of weight and now just finished the past year+ of working on myself and ready to get back out there. Honestly no idea where to even begin at this point, Is hinge the most used app for people in the early 30s? I am in NYC if that makes a difference
I’m hyper aware that it can be hard to read about other people’s wins when you’re not doing great, but I just got a message out of the blue from someone whose username was that of a local hotel, he had no profile pic, and asked if I wanted to come over, give him head, and then leave
And they say romance is dead!
Sorry to make you all jealous
I know my ex’s dad isn’t on dating apps (he is a widower) but sometimes I wish he was just so I could come across his feed and we could match and talk about how his son fumbled me.
Got a chance to work with the cute guy at work today. However, this ended up being me informing him that his project was going to be severely handicapped due to freaking semantics. Months ago, he and his team were screwed over by an oversight by a third department. I just happened to be the first person to catch the problem. My job involves a lot of telling people “no”, but this was the first time that felt really bad. Given how much trouble I have delivering bad news to someone who I have a minor crush on, I’m definitely not built to date in the workplace
I know it’s mostly PMS, but I spent most of the day crying and feeling hopeless, because if you’re not good enough for a perfect match what else can you expect?
I joined an activity group after my last breakup about five months ago. There’s a guy in the group I thought was cute, and we exchanged numbers after he asked if I wanted to practice together outside the group. I took that as interest. It felt really nice, especially since this is the first time in my life someone seemed interested in me outside of dating apps.
Last night while we were making plans after our group session, he casually said, “By the way, I’m seeing someone.” I was caught off guard and awkwardly replied, “Oh, I totally misread you asking me to practice outside the group.” I immediately felt like an idiot. He said something like, “Sorry if I led you on,” and now I’m worried he thinks I had some huge crush on him.
He asked if I still wanted to practice, I said yes, and then we kind of awkwardly went our separate ways. I haven’t heard from him since.
This stirred up way more than I expected. My ex dumped me in September, just a few weeks short of our one-year anniversary, by listing my insecurities as flaws. I thought I had been making progress healing from that, but this brought all those feelings of inferiority right back. No one has ever shown interest in me in real life, and the one time I thought someone might have, it turned out I was wrong and handled it awkwardly.
On top of that, my ex’s birthday is tomorrow, and Christmas without him was really hard for me. I think all of this timing just cracked something open that was already fragile.
I’ve been crying a lot. Not really because of this guy specifically, but because of everything it brought back up.
I can’t help but feel like the biggest loser. I know I’m clearly not ready to date again, but the fact that it’s been five months and I’m still crying regularly and still blaming myself for how my ex treated me makes me feel like I’m not healing at all. I’m also constantly wondering what my ex thinks about me, whether he ever thinks about me, and I’m reminded of him all the time. These memories are painful, and I don’t know what to do.
I’ve been considering EMDR therapy, but I don’t have any big, obvious trauma in my past, so I don’t even know if it would help.
I almost always host. I live in a HCOL area and my two fwb’s live with roommates and/or in small spaces. I have the sectional and the dining room and the liquor cabinet. I have all the cookware and the good stereo. I don’t like driving or trying to cram my pickup in their tiny apartment parkade spots. In sum: I’m happy to host.
My one FWB bought me a set of sheets for Christmas. They were merchandised in a draw string bag that he’s been using to bundle them up and take home to wash. I love it and think I might get another set for the other fwb too.
Everybody knows about eachother, everybody’s getting tested and using protection. Everybody gets along. I can be open with them without the pressure of picking battles over the long term. I feel connection and I feel considered. It’s just practical.
It takes more communication than a monogamous relationship, and it’s more internal work to make sure I’m communicating accurately. But the weight of it *is* so much less than a long term monogamous relationship. I feel like I’m getting a lot more out of my introspection habit than just affects these two relationships.
I don’t mind commiting to casual at all.
Any women on here willing to give me some feedback on my profile (38M)? I do get some matches, but it’s pretty slow going.
A year since my ‘big’ breakup today. Thoughts of her still follow me around and otherwise ruin my day like a mosquito. But i’m getting used to it, when I think of her it mostly just feels like “Yeah, that sucks” more so than the urge to curl into a ball and sob like I was 6 months ago.
The most frustrating part is knowing she doesn’t think about me at all. It’s this one sided pain I wish was shared.
Excited for the new year though, something about it finally being 2026 almost gave me permission to move on fully. Tidying up my workout routine and losing some of the extra holiday weight gained and then i’m going to get back on the apps – hopefully around the start of Feb.
At least that’s how I feel today, who knows what tomorrow will feel like.
I really tried to put effort this time into a date and got stood up. Why does something always happen to me? I’ve really tried this time and put in effort and have been working on myself and *still* doesn’t work out before I even have a chance to succeed. I’m not blaming the woman. I’m just tired of the fact it’s hard enough getting dates to begin with and the 1 shot I get gets undermined. I genuinely have been working on myself, being myself, and putting myself first (which I’ve had to learn the last year) and just amounts to nothing. It just feels like my pessimism and fear of disappointment just keeps getting revalidated. At what point should I just accept being single forever, and how? I feel like such an idiot for getting my hopes up **again**. Sorry for sounding negative and the rant. I’d rather tell my therapist but I don’t want to bother them.
i finally put an end to the nonsense and went full no contact. brain silent now 🙂 im free
M39 about to try get back on the apps after being off them for a couple of years. Im dreading it.. after reading a few things on here, im considering just staying single and avoiding the nightmare.
Hello, it’s me the horny single demi girl from yesterday daily sticky. I tried to take my mind off things and watched this series everybody’s been recommending, even tho I’m not a hockey fan…Heated rivalry? 😳
I now see that my friends played a dirty little prank on me. All I can say now is that I just want someone to tell me he wants to come to my cottage. Send help
First dates shouldn’t make me sad. It was perfectly fine. He was nice. No obvious red flags. I knew fairly quickly he wasn’t *it* for me, but we had a nice time otherwise. He asked for a second date. So why am I sad and on the verge of tears?
I think I’m broken.
(Pardon my double post)