my girlfriend (16f) and i (16m) have been officially together for about 3 months, but we’ve known each other and been friends for a lot longer. usually i can tell when something’s wrong with her, but it takes her a while to admit she’s upset or tell me why.
when she’s upset, she tells me to leave her alone, but she’s also told me before that she doesn’t actually want me to stop messaging her and wants me to keep checking in until she opens up. i try to do that, but it can be confusing because i don’t know when i’m helping or making things worse.
when she’s upset, she can say really hurtful things. i told her before that i don’t care what she says in those moments because she said she doesn’t mean it. back then it was mostly stuff like calling me a b_tch or telling me to f___ off.
today she said “i f__king hate you, b_tch. you ruin everything. i don’t even know why i’m with you.” that really hurt me. i feel like it’s my fault for telling her before that she could say whatever she wanted and it wouldn’t hurt me. im worried incase she might mean what she says aswell, i know she told me she dosent mean it but idk im worried incase she might secretly.
i love her a lot and i definitely don’t want to break up.
what should i do to stop this pattern and communicate better when she’s upset?
tl;dr: my girlfriend (16f) says very hurtful things when she’s upset. i (16m) told her before it wouldn’t bother me, but now it really does. how do i handle it and set boundaries without pushing her away?