My best friend and I have known each other since high school, we both grew up in a very conservative catholic country. I was raised conservative believing in family values while she has always been liberal but our differences was never an issue. She and I have always respected each other politics and I never had issues with her beliefs, she also didn’t have issues with mine. Where we came from, it’s a country that focuses on family values, and hence they have laws that are focus on that such as anti abortion, cheating on spouses are criminalize, ban on divorces. Please understand that the we grew up in a religious country, so I hope you would refrain from judging it over laws that you may personally disagree with.
As faith would have it, around 2006 when she move to USA and married a law enforcement guy, and I also married the following year with a man who works as a caregiver in a nursing home. We kept in touch and met more often as she is only a state away.
She was extremely happy moving here to USA, as she believe her liberal beliefs are more align with the country whereas I’m more neutral, my husband ended up quitting his job to take care of his disabled brother, and I stayed home to take care of our kids. It’s a family values through and through.
We have help each other a lot, I use to babysit her child because she doesn’t want to stop working, she was going to be a journalist in our former country but she didn’t do it out of fear of being targeted, but here in USA she ended up working in some banks, and her husband is also a law enforcement who does big crime investigation. And she use to help me with documents stuff such as forms that needs filling out (finance things etc) as she’s more experience with understanding those things.
Our friendship has suddenly came to an end when she was criticizing the country we’re living in now. I told her that I didn’t care how much sht she say about the country we grew up in because I understand she feels like a minority there as liberalism is not something that’s really a good thing where we grew up. She was happy here as she thought it’s finally a place she can express her political beliefs. But now she’s criticizing it because it has changed? She was really mad when I put my foot down and told her that this country has given her a good job, a great family, a devoted husband, and that’s still not enough, whereas I am a stay at home mom, taking care of my kids, and my disabled brother in law, we’re not as financially well off due to this circumstances but I still love this country more than her.
After this conversation over patriotism, liberalism, and I told her how she could continue to criticized when she has a husband in law enforcement, where is the respect? Anyways she decided that we are too different to stay friends and hasn’t answered my call.
I would like to continue being friends as I do love our friendship, but I don’t know if she would answer my call at all?
Is there any way for me to salvage this friendship? If yes, how? If no, why not?
Thank you.
9 comments
She has prioritized her political beliefs over her friendship with you. Let her go. Unfortunately, losing friends over differences in politics is not uncommon in the US.
If you think the path the US is on right now is good and it should not be criticised because people achieved good things before this administration, i am not surprised she doesn’t want to be friends anymore.
That will last until you personally are seriously hit with the current admin repercussions, then you will open your eyes, but it will be too late.
She should cut off ties with the fascist supporter. “Family values” is your dog whistle for gays and trans, isn’t it?
Oh you’re gonna get some interesting responses posting on Reddit lol. I already see the ‘transphobe’ arguments dropping in for no reason. Family stick together at all costs? THAT MEANS YOURE A HATEFUL TRANSPHOBE FASCIST!! Obviously. In case of language barrier issues where this may be lost, I’m being sarcastic… Reddit isn’t the place for nuance. You’re gonna be labeled a bigot and the trolls are gonna come for you.
When I lived in Europe, I had friends with very different political opinions (all over the place, really) and we’d have some very animated and passionate discussions about topics, issues, etc. but it was never personal. Never once did I feel that NOT supporting communist or socialist programs would cost me friendships. Instead, sometimes I was given a new way to look at a topic. Or maybe sharing a fresh perspective with others. These healthy conversations bolstered those life-long friendships and I’m very grateful to say that I have very good friends across the pond to this day.
Now the US is a different story entirely. People are actually actively encouraging each other to cut ties with anyone that has ‘toxic’ beliefs. Family, friends, anyone. What’s ‘toxic’? Whatever you disagree with, of course! AND let’s toss around the ‘fascist’ label at everything we don’t like. It’s like every dystopian novel ever written to warn us of the dynamics that will allow society to crumble.
I’m sorry to hear about your friend. Maybe just keep the door open for her to call someday. People grow, it sometimes just takes time.
Sounds like she’s outgrown you really.
You both moved to a new country with endless possibilities that she embraced and grew. Got a good job and a professional partner.
To complain and want to push back that your rights are being restricted/ taken away is patriotic.
It doesn’t seem like you care about family values, families or children from your other comments in here though, just seems like a very selfish way you view your life and maybe she’s sick of that too, she has more compassion for people outside her immediate circle rather than for you who doesn’t have compassion generally.
You don’t sound like her friend at all. You sound incredibly bitter at her living a good life yet still having the empathy to be mad about social nets being taken away from others even if it doesn’t benefit her.
You sound bitter that she still cares for the decency of others whilst you don’t care about a single other person outside your family unless it’s a benefit to you, at least you’ve truly embraced conservatism.
Don’t listen to these liberals they don’t even have half a brain.
They will call you a racist They will call you a bigot They will call you any name they can think of just because you support the American flag and nothing else.
That’s the side of tolerance for you 😂😂😂
OP I think you should apologize to your friend.
People are allowed to have grievances about the country they live in, immigrants included. You could have just asked her not to talk about the topic with you if it frustrated you. Instead you lectured her about how everything good in her life is because of this country.
Rest assured that there are people both within and outside the states that feel their life has been ruined by this country. The US has bombed other countries killing innocent families for little reason. The US has also done some good too, but let’s not be blind here. We all have unique experiences and you shouldn’t force your country view on others. I get it that it feels hypocritical to move here and complain about issues here, but the US isn’t perfect and being an immigrant doesn’t mean you have to have rose-ier glasses than the rest of us.
At the end of the day, you two are actual friends that know and love each other. That should mean more to you both than your patriotism. Apologize for losing the ball a bit there and tell her you won’t lecture her anymore, but it’s fair to ask her to also not lecture you on all the negatives. That can be such a drag.
This feels like bait but sure …
Your friend is criticizing a country that is getting worse and worse and taking in values that are harmful. It’s also a country we as citizens have the right to criticize. Good on her for seeing how bad things are getting.
I hope this is fake or AI. Neither you nor your husband have a job. Are you on welfare?
You lectured her, a grown woman, on speaking her mind about the problems and flaws of the US. You are wrong. It is not your place to tell her what she cannot think or say.
If this is real, then you shouldn’t bother her any more. The friendship has run its course. She deserves a better friend.