I'm M(18) and I’m trying to understand a situation that left me emotionally confused, not angry just drained.
I became close to someone in college. We weren’t officially dating, but we spent almost all our time together. People around us assumed we were a couple. Emotionally, it felt like one I was the person she came to during breakdowns, late nights, anxiety, and personal problems. I stayed. I listened. I supported her when she needed it most.
At the same time, socially, she behaved like she was single. She talked to multiple guys, stayed close to people who openly spoke badly about me, and sometimes justified it by saying things like “you understand me better than anyone” or “you set my standards so high.” She’d reassure me privately, but her actions in public never matched those words.
There were moments where I felt genuinely valued small things like caring gestures or appreciation from others around her but over time I realized she might have been used to receiving that kind of treatment from many people. What felt special to me may have felt normal to her.
What hurt wasn’t jealousy. It was inconsistency.
She didn’t want to lose me, but she also didn’t want to choose me.
She leaned on me emotionally, but kept her options open.
She wanted closeness without clarity.
Eventually, instead of confronting her or demanding explanations, I slowly stepped back. Not out of anger but because I needed peace. I realized I wasn’t heartbroken over losing her, but over losing the version of the connection I thought we were building.
I don’t think she’s a bad person. I think she liked the safety of emotional intimacy without the responsibility that comes with it.
TL;DR; : She treats me like an emotional partner but acts single socially. Confessing now would probably lead to a “maybe” and keep me stuck. Real clarity comes from stepping back emotionally and seeing if she actually chooses me or just the attention.