I (F31) just came to the realization that I'm in basically a sexless marriage and it's 100% my fault. We've been married 5 yrs. I don't think my husband (M34) would ever cheat on me, he is extremely kind and patient. But part of me honestly couldn't be that upset because its my fault. I dont know what's wrong with me but it's always felt like I was sexual somewhere inside but I just can't seem to tap into it. I desperately WANT TO DESIRE. What can I do??
UPDATE 1/1:
Weirdly, since that huge moment of clarity and humility, I explained it to my husband the next day and just was completely honest about what I wanted AND that I realized I was the issue for not speaking up earlier about my struggles. Therefore it just seemed like I didnt care. Anyways, I FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE pleasured myself without toys tonight in the shower and literally seemingly completely turned that knob on inside me. I think it was a combination of the realization, taking full accountability, having a real, authentic and yet so soft and understanding conversation with my husband and feeling free to just explore myself and stop depriving literally the both of us. Its my first time being a human, and overall with this journey im going to remember to give myself softness so I can be free and relaxed and as sexual as I want to be inside.
TLDR: I talked to my husband and later masturbated without toys and authentically reconnected with myself.