I (F24) have been with my partner (M24) for five years and I’m having a hard time deciding on if I should leave my partner. I would also like to mention that this is my first relationship ever and so for the longest time I wasn’t sure what was normal for a relationship and what isn’t.
Recently I’ve been going back and forth in leaving my partner. I’ve had these thoughts a few times throughout our relationship but they usually just go away. I’ve been feeling this way for over a month now and it’s definitely taking a toll on me. These feelings really started to pick up one night when my partner got home from work and was wanting to have sex. I had already told him I wasn’t in the mood but he was very persistent on wanting to have sex. I told him no at least five or six times before I got up and left our shared apartment. He hadn’t noticed I left until thirty minutes later and asked where I was. I told him I needed space and he said “ok” and then hung up on me. I was gone for around three hours and when I got home he was asleep. This isn’t the first time he had crossed a boundary like this in our relationship.
About a year into our relationship my partner cheated on me. He was sexting two girls. One of the girls he actually sent a video of me doing something with him in the bedroom to her. I knew he had taken the video because I consented to it but I didn’t consent to it being sent to anyone. Somehow I got over it and moved on. I never told anyone the part about him sending a private video until recently because I knew how bad it was to begin with.
Another instance of him breaking a boundary was once when we were about to have sex and I noticed he had his phone propped up. This had to been sometime this past year but anyway I confronted him about it and he tried to lie at first but then I kept asking him why it was propped up and he just said “it was just going to be for me to look at later”. I of course was upset and didn’t want to continue to have sex. Again I moved past it.
Some other instances have happened here and there throughout the relationship. These instances are him ignoring safe words during sex but playing it off like he didn’t hear me or saying that he didn’t understand due to miscommunication.
Anyways I’m now in a hard spot because he has been showing signs of change but I’m scared he will just do something again. He didn’t start to show big change until after I attempted to break up with him and then I actually broke up with him for like a week. It was hard to continue to stay apart because we live together and have dogs together. Anyways now he is buying me stuff, showing interest in things that I like when before he either didn’t like those things or just didn’t care, and he has also said he is going to start therapy. I haven’t seen any actual signs of him making effort to see a therapist other than him telling me he is going to go.
Also I can’t help but to look at him different. I’ve noticed it can be hard to be around him and I also really don’t crave sex with him. When he initiates I usually don’t want to but when we do have sex I have a good time as of recently. I’ve also noticed that my mood is different when I’m with him. It’s almost like I’m happier when I’m not around him. At the same time when I’m away from him I miss him and want to be with him. It’s very confusing and I feel so so drained. Is it time for me to leave him? And if so how?
TL;DR – My partner has crossed multiple boundaries pertaining to sex but is now showing signs of changing. I’m having a hard time knowing if I should leave or stay due to being scared of him going back to his old ways.