I (34F) and my husband (40M) have been together for about 5 years total, married for 2. We do not have nor do we want children. Due to medication I have to take, I have always had difficulty orgasming. Because of this, it is not something that I have expected partners to be able to do. Often I cannot even get there when I am by myself. Despite this, I still enjoy sex but sex but my husband is starting to make me feel like we're not compatible in this way. These are things that I noticed at the beginning of our relationship that have become much more obvious and frequent now. He has a lower libido than me which I think is in part because he works a very demanding job as a nurse in the ER which often exhausts him. I have not pushed for more sex because of this, I understand his job is a lot and I don't want to add more stress. When we do have sex, it is not satisfying for me. He rarely kissea me or engages in foreplay. Our usual interaction is that I touch him until he is aroused enough for penetration and we have sex. He usually touches me minimally on my body and he has said that he is not interested at all in touching me in the genital area so I have not asked for that, but just touching me more in general would be something that I would like. In the rare event he does kiss me or perform oral sex on me, he loses his erection completely while doing these things. Then I touch him more until he is again aroused enough for penetration. Losing his erection also happens consistently as soon as I stop touching him or if we are not having penetrative sex. Though sometimes he will lose his erection during sex as well.
In the past couple months I decided I need to be more communicative otherwise how will he know I am not satisfied with what we have been doing? I mentioned wanting to make out and asked for more foreplay. He said it might help if I were the one that initiated those things so I agreed. When I do initiate, he turns away from me after kissing me for a short time. He does perform oral sex a little more often than previously and I think he would be ok with doing that for a longer time, but since he completely loses his erection during this I don't "let" him do it for too long. He is also a very instant gratification person in a lot of ways and I think he becomes impatient if things (including sex) take too long. While I am unsatisfied, I think it is important to mention that he is very satisfied with the sex we are currently having.
I don't know what to do. I have made suggestions but they haven't really helped so far. Maybe I need a different approach? I have also suggested a sex therapist but he is very against seeing one. I have talked to him about losing his erection often and suggested talking to his doctor about ED, but he does not want to do this as he is against taking medication for it.
Advice? Please let me know if you need more information.