I’m genuinely struggling to tell if I’m overreacting or if this is one of those moments where your body knows something before your brain catches up.
My fiancé and I are long distance. I’m in Canada, he’s in Mexico City right now (normally Cabo). We recently got engaged. Things haven’t been perfect, but I believed we were moving forward with honesty and transparency.
A few nights ago at 3am, while already stressed and exhausted, a music video popped up on my TikTok For You page. Not a random one, a full, cinematic montage of my fiancé with another woman. I thought I was having a nightmare.
I’m talking; Lying together in bed; Pillow fighting; Her laying on his bare chest; Running around on the beach; On a boat together; Kissing her on the forehead; Shirtless, intimate, couple coded energy the entire time
It was extremely intimate. Not suggestive. It genuinely looked like watching a relationship. At the time I didn’t know when it was filmed so I felt like I was watching my fiancé cheat on me. I had zero warning. No heads up. No context. Nothing.
When I confronted him, he said: It was filmed right before we met (literally days before); “Nothing happened”; “I didn’t even like her”; “She was kind of rude”; He was “just helping with a video”; He “forgot” to mention it was just the two of them playing a couple; He “didn’t know she was going to post it”
But here’s where it gets worse. After the video dropped, she continued posting him. Multiple stories. Photos and videos of them together outside of filming. Which are still up at the moment.
He’s now apologized for “omitting details” and says he understands why it hurt me. He even unfollowed her when I expressed discomfort. But honestly… I still feel sick.
I don’t even know what I’m asking anymore.
Is this breakup territory? Engagement ending territory? A massive trust rupture caused by omission, not cheating?
Would you be okay seeing this of your fiancé?
Would a heads up have changed everything?
And is it reasonable that I’m questioning whether I can marry someone who handles the truth this way?