This is part rant, part AIO, part advice seeking.
For those who use or have used dating apps: how long do you usually chat before meeting in person? And, if you’re comfortable sharing, what’s your biological sex and gender identity, what country do you live in, and which apps are you most familiar with?
I’m a cisgender woman in the U.S. using Bumble and Hinge, and I’m increasingly shocked and frustrated by how many (seemingly cisgender) men are genuinely just gobsmacked that I don’t want to meet immediately. Even after I explain that I prefer to talk for like a week first due to very real safety concerns, as well as just to gauge if you’re an immediate hard pass (i.e., our desired relationships don’t match), it’s often treated like a checklist – answer a few basic questions and then we’re meeting tomorrow. It always seems so rushed and pressured. I understand no one wants to waste their time – I certainly don’t – but, like, dude, where’s the fire? Take a breather and tell me a little about yourself.
Am I the only one who thinks that’s absolutely wild? I try to joke about it, but at this point it’s exhausting. I understand that this comes with the territory, but has anyone found a way to set this boundary more effectively or filter out people who react this way? I’m just trying to not waste my time, or anyone else’s. I agree you can gauge more from a date, but you can get the basics off a lot of people via text, and I have no interest in spending my hard earned money and very limited time to go on a date with you if a couple days of texting can tell me you’re not worth it.
AI was used to make my points clearer and more concise, but the content is mine.
Edit: Since this keeps coming up in the comments, I’d like to clarify I’m not interested in chatting for weeks, but I’m also not meeting someone the same day we match. If schedules allow, I’m open to meeting within a week. A few days of consistent messaging helps me decide if you’re actually worth a date. If you’re pushing to meet immediately or seem primarily focused on hookups, we’re not a match, and I can potentially gauge that by texting with you.