Me (56M), she (51F). Married 25 yrs, 2 kids, youngest away at college, oldest graduated. She was SAHM (amazing mother to our kids) while I worked. Our issue is with connection and haven’t had any EQ relationship issues such as lying or cheating. We have been to marriage therapy a couple of times (she chose them). She is in perimenopause and I’m trying to maintain an optimistic outlook but the way she has been acting towards me is causing us to disconnect and pushing me away.
I plan to share the below short list of what I am looking for in our relationship. If she has no desire to discuss or no motivation to take action then I see no way forward for us.
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Making me feel like I’m seen and loving me for who I am.
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Being a team and having a “it’s always us vs the issue” and helping each other vs getting mad and acting cold.
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Sincerely wanting to talk about what I’ve got going on (family, work, golf, etc).
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Showing that she authentically desires me by being flirty, initiating, inviting me to initiate, occasionally surprising me by wearing lingerie or something sexy.
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Showing empathy vs disdain or coldness. (I.e. when I said I was ok to drive us home after the XMas party but did not yet the next day it was “you almost killed us”). Or accidentally tapping a mirror with car door.
We will see how this goes. Wish me luck as I don’t want my marriage to end but I also don’t want both of us to be unhappy as we still have some great years of life to live.