I’m M25, She’s F36, a widow and a single mom of 3, we met online 4 months ago and went on a few dates and clicked instantly then things moved naturally from there. She was my first serious relationship and my first sexual partner.
Before we became intimate, I was very clear about where I was in life I’ve been single most of my life focused on education then work, family, and personal goals I told her I wasn’t looking for marriage or kids and wasn’t ready for long term commitment, what I wanted was companionship, someone to spend time with after stressful weeks, talk, laugh, go out and hangout, and enjoy intimacy. She agreed to it all, with the condition that we wouldn’t see other people while together till it was finally time for le to pursue marriage, which I was fine with.
A couple of months in things started feeling heavier. I felt like I was expected to play a “husband role” daily calls, constant texting, seeing each other at least twice a week. If I didn’t meet those expectations she would get very upset. Around the same time I noticed patterns that made me uncomfortable like love bombing early on, emotional pressure to say “I love you,” twisting or hiding facts to test my interest or jealousy and a lot of drama overall. Because of this, I never fully felt at ease or trusting even sex came with anxiety (pregnancy scares, stress instead of relaxation).
At the same time, my life outside the relationship was extremely demanding: intense work pressure, family responsibilities, and high expectations I put on myself. I tried to balance everything and support her and be invested in the relationship the best to my ability but I burned out completely, for weeks, all I felt was pressure.
I know I wasn’t a perfect partner. I tried my best and never meant to hurt her. But what I agreed to at the start wasn’t what the relationship became and I couldn’t see where it was going anymore and i didn’t want to lie to myself abd eventually promise her something or a future that i know i couldn’t give to her so trusting my gut, I ended things instead of dragging it out.
Now the guilt is haunting me I feel like I devastated her, but i don’t know did I do the right thing by leaving when I felt this depleted and pressured? How do you get past this level of guilt when you cared, but knew staying wasn’t right?
TL;DR: I (25) ended a relationship with a 36-year-old single mom because what started as low-pressure companionship slowly became emotionally heavy and overwhelming. I cared about her, but burnout, lack of trust, and pressure made me leave — now I’m struggling with guilt.