My ex and I were together for just over 3 years. I ended the relationship three times during that period.
The first breakup was because I was afraid of getting into a relationship and being hurt. The second was during an extremely difficult time in my life where I had just been diagnosed with autism and BPD, experienced a miscarriage, lost my job, and we had a major argument. The final breakup was 7 weeks ago after his behaviour became increasingly controlling, manipulative, and misogynistic.
Examples included expecting me to do all the cooking and cleaning in a house we shared, telling me my role was to be his “peace” and listen to him complain without responding, accusing me of being a gold digger despite earning less than him and still being asked to contribute more than him financially, and speaking to me in a demeaning and threatening way during conflicts.
The final incident happened after he talked at me for hours late into the night. When I said I was exhausted and needed sleep, he tried everything to prevent me from doing so. I left the next morning while he was at work, packed what I could into two suitcases (leaving most of my belongings behind), and left a note explaining that I couldn’t live like this anymore and asking him to send my remaining things to my parents’ house.
A few days later I called to apologise for leaving without saying it face to face, as I felt guilty about how I handled it. During that call he gave me an ultimatum: come back and do things entirely his way or never speak again. Over the following days he sent me content promoting rigid gender roles, and then accused me of stealing money from him (which he found minutes later and didn’t apologise), and dismissed my concerns when I said this was unacceptable. When I finally told him I was done, he immediately blocked me everywhere.
Since then, I’ve gone through normal breakup emotions but I know leaving was the right decision for my mental health and future. I’m now in a much better place, planning ahead, and feeling hopeful again.
My concern is this: I’m terrified that at some point he’ll unblock me or try to contact me once I’m further along in my healing, and it will reopen wounds I’ve worked very hard to close. He’s already blocked me so I can’t block him, I’ve changed my number, but I don’t know what else I can realistically do to protect my peace if he reappears.
What steps can I take to emotionally and practically prepare myself in case he tries to come back into my life?