I (18f) had a fuck buddy over the other day (29M) and he asked me if he could film part of what we were doing and I said yes. while I was giving him head he slapped me, which he’s never done before but he got it on camera. I went along business as usual and just kind of ignored that the slap made me extremely uncomfortable. There was another video taken where my face is contorted in pain during an*l.
I asked him to send me the videos after he left and I was excited to watch them until I saw what was obviously me just letting 29m do anything he wanted to me. I didn’t see anything as an issue until I watched the videos. I wonder if I dissociated during the actual sex and only was able to realize how bad it was after watching what happened.
Is it normal to not recognize when your boundaries are being crossed?
Me and him have discussed it since it happened and we both deleted the videos but the sick feeling remains in my stomach. I still want to keep seeing him which I know probably isn’t good for me but I love hanging out with him.
I need an outsiders view on this situation… Why did I only realize I didn’t like the sex after watching it back? Since I’ve already discussed with 29M what are my next steps?