Hi. This is my first post here and I hope the storyline makes sense. I’m sure many people on this thread can relate to this story, but I’m hoping to get some clear guidance on what to do, especially since my partner is an amazing boyfriend, and this is his only red flag.
As the title suggests, we have a 10 year age gap. I knew going into it that this would cause some issues, but I was certain we could deliver past it. Nonetheless, the common topic of my-girlfriend-likes-to-go-out-and-party has etched in terribly into the fabric of our relationship.
For context about me: I go to a university in the US, and we met in the same city I go to school in. I LOVE to go out (as do a lot of people my age) and now turning 21, I was able to do so for the first time legally this semester. I am extroverted, and see nightlife as something fun for my friends and I to do, reject all advances from guys, and like to dress in heels and short clothing because it makes me feel confident.
Perhaps I’m a bit naive, but I have been trying to explain to him that that’s my perspective. He thinks I seek male validation, that “[I] only go out to shake ass on guys” and “choosing nightlife over time with your boyfriend”.
Things really bubbled the Monday of Thanksgiving Week as that was the Monday after our homecoming football game weekend (thus, quintessential that parties, tailgates, pregames, etc happen), where he called me a slut and a whore for wearing the outfits I wore out (capris and a tube top, I have worn this outfit in summer events with him and also sent him photos of it and he liked it in the moment…). Obviously, when he said this I called him out on it. Aside from the name calling, he’s also disapproved me going out with my friends, always has something to say, and has said that my “behavior” will lead to me cheating.
Last night, over a month after the name calling, he said that I can either choose to go out or him, and that I’m pushing him away (this was after I bought my spring break tickets to Sao Paolo, a trip I’ve been telling him about since November and with friends he has met before). He’s very salty about me not spending spring break with him.
I don’t know what to do. None of my other friends’ partners ever judge what they wear out nor place limits on what they do for nightlife. I love to go out, I’m sorry to say, and I’ve tried every time for the past month to explain my side but he doesn’t seem to understand nor care. I don’t want to cheat on him, obviously, I love him. He’s a wonderful partner, and I just want him to understand that to me, nightlife is an essential part of my social life as is some aspects of his life.
Thank you. I can answer more questions in the comments if anything is unclear, I would appreciate some grounded advice!