I (24F) am married to my wife (23F), and we’ve been together for almost two years. We got married very fast — after only 10 months — largely because she’s in the military and it was convenient, although I did genuinely want to marry her at the time. Looking back, I know we rushed into it before really knowing each other.
This is my first real relationship, and in the beginning it was very intense and passionate. I truly felt like she was “the one.” She does have great qualities — she takes care of me, makes me feel loved, and in many ways has been a good partner. However, there have also been ongoing issues.
Since we started living together, she discouraged me from getting a job and didn’t want me taking in-person classes. I recently brought this up, and she apologized, saying she just doesn’t like change and that I should have done those things anyway and she would have gotten used to it.
She has also said hurtful things during fights, such as that she hates hearing me laugh with my best friend, that she doesn’t like how much I value friendships, and that she wishes I were more like her and didn’t care about friends. She later says she doesn’t mean these things, but they still hurt.
A few months ago, we had a major fight where she screamed at me, called me names, and said our marriage “wasn’t that deep.” This happened while I was on the phone with a friend, and it felt completely uncalled for. That night really broke something in me. I ended up calling my best friend crying and questioning whether this marriage would work.
Since that incident, she has changed a lot for the better. She encourages me to work, go to school, make friends, and have a social life. She’s been very supportive, loving, and attentive, and I believe she knows she crossed a line and hurt me deeply.
The problem is that even though things are better, I feel like something in me has changed. I still love her, but I don’t feel “in love” the same way. I’ve started getting crushes at work, and part of me feels like I don’t want to be in this relationship anymore — but I also don’t want to leave her, hurt her, or throw away the life we’ve built.
We share a home and two cats, and I moved to a new state to be with her. I could afford to move out, but it would be financially tight, and I don’t have a support system here. It also feels wrong to leave now that she’s treating me well and being supportive.
I’m feeling stuck between loving her and feeling guilty for wanting to leave. I’m looking for advice from people who’ve been in similar situations or who can offer an outside perspective.
TLDR: Married young and very fast. Wife has been loving but also controlling and verbally hurtful during fights. One major blowup made me emotionally check out. She’s improved a lot since, but I don’t feel the same anymore and am questioning whether to stay or leave, especially given shared pets, finances, and lack of support nearby.