I have been dating my current boyfriend for almost a year now, and we had been friends prior to getting into a relationship.
But I feel like he has changed a lot, and his stance on many things have become different ever since we started dating.
There are times when I find him somewhat controlling or overpossessive but he claims to be protective and that his actions have a good intent, he may be doing things subconsciously or without any bad intention towards me but I feel uncomfortable at times with his stances.
He isn't comfortable with me wearing certain kinds of clothing, such as sleeveless or short tops, which I sometimes do wear. I don't prefer to wear cropped tops personally because I don't think they look quite flattering on me, but I wear tops that sometimes ride up a bit when I bend over or so, which he also has an issue with. And it gets tiring sometimes to be told what not to wear, especially when it's accompanied with statements like me doing it to seek attention from others when that is not the case, and it makes me feel like he doesn't trust me enough.
When I defend myself by stating that I dressed the same prior to our relationship, he stated that now that we're in a relationship, he has more of a say in what I do than he did before.
He doesn't really communicate well either, and usually chooses to shut off when I do something he tells me not to, or if he isn't feeling good, and most times I'm left with no explanation until later (in situations where I'm myself unsure of what the problem is)
Another conflict we have is on intimacy, while I personally think 'love' can be felt in many gestures, and does not have to be limited to sexual interactions, his take is that his love language is physical touch, and insists we take a step further, and also asks me to send n*des which I am not comfortable with.
For me, I'd like to wait before we get physical, but this is often met with silence on his part where he goes away, and we don't talk for hours or it leads to a conflict.
He wants me to also cut off a friend, claiming she's not a good friend to me, and that he knows her more than I do.
I've thought of her to be someone who is okay to hang out with, I'm usually just a cautious person when it comes to friendships, and I take my time to get really comfortable with anyone, and I've found her to be okay as of now, with no troubles popping up, but he insists I cut her off or limit my interactions with her, but I don't find it reasonable to not be responding to someone who I find alright and am comfortable with or spending time with said person.
This went upto the point he even gave me an ultimatum to choose between him and my friend (female) wherein I tried to make him understand that to me, this was also about choosing myself, and letting myself have the autonomy of whom to be friends with and whom not, and that I do not prefer to cut someone off just like that. But it's still an unresolved issue.
I'm starting to feel we aren't as compatible with each other, but I also feel like I might be overthinking this, and I'm afraid of making a wrong decision.
There are also times when he jokes on certain matters I am not comfortable being brought into our conversation as a joke and when I express my discomfort, he goes quiet on me or becomes annoyed saying that it was just a joke and I should not be taking it too seriously, but I begin to wonder if my words don't hold any value at that point, because I don't mind other things, but just certain topics exist which I find not okay to be joked about.
Another issue we had rather recently, was when I accidentally forgot to reply to his text on Instagram but we did text on another platform, and I replied to 2 of my friends, I genuinely do not know how I missed to see his chat, and he has my Instagram which made him realise this happened and he asked me about the same, and I told him I didn't do it intentionally and that it was a genuine mistake, and even apologised for it, but he got really mad about it, and it kinda escalated on text, where he said some things which were really hurtful, but apologised for it later. But the whole going quiet and getting angry is beginning to affect me a lot, and I'm beginning to be scared to be doing things or telling him things, afraid of what his response might be, and I've tried explaining this and asking him to be more reasonable and to regulate his emotions but it's been of no use, he just states it's me who caused the issue which makes him get mad, and I don't think that's the case everytime.
We have these differences, but he's also really sweet at he same time and does take care of me, we go out on dates, and he also gets me gifts which are things I genuinely like and such gestures do really mean a lot to me. He's also been there for me many a times, which leaves me confused on whether I am understanding something wrong, and I don't know how to look at this.
He's been the first person I've been able to be really vulnerable with, but at times it begins to feel as if he undermines me, and it's really very chaotic.
TL;DR,
Im in a relationship with someone who is caring but also feels slightly controlling; confused on if I'm just thinking about myself, and disregarding him or if this just isn't it.