I (M20) have been dating my girlfriend (F20) for more than a year now. I am happy in this relationship—it’s perfect, and I love it—but some things are starting to change that. I don’t really know how to say everything I want to say, but I’ll try my best.
I really love my girlfriend, and she’s perfect. But there have been things going on that I don’t really like. For reference, I’m the type of person who absolutely hates lies. I do not like lying of any extent, and I told my girlfriend that from the very day I met her. There have been multiple instances where she broke this.
When we first started dating, I remember once I took her phone to show her something on Instagram. When I opened her Instagram, she snatched it from my hands and deleted her search history. Long story short, she admitted that she had searched up her exes and was looking them up, and before I got to know the truth, there was an hour-long gaslighting session. Anyways, she apologized, and it never happened again.
A month or two later, she told me that she was going to one of her friend’s birthday parties, which was awesome. But a couple of months later, it turned out that it was her ex’s birthday. (Not the same ex she searched up—this was a guy she dated in high school, but they had a common friend group and were still kind of friends.) She never brought it up to me before, and that really pissed me off. Her excuse was that she never thought of it that way since they were friends and the dating was a long time ago. I forgave her, and we moved on.
Now this next event was the biggest one. She has a male best friend whom she’s been friends with since middle school. I really never liked it because my ex cheated on me with one of my best friends, but I put up with it. Honestly, they never did anything that made me suspicious. The guy is a nerdy kid and low-key chill.
But when we started dating, I asked her repeatedly if she had any feelings for him because I wasn’t allowing myself to be cheated on again, and she said no. I trusted her. I never really pick up her phone, but months later I wanted to write her a surprise note, so I opened her notepad. There, I found more than 5,000-word-long essays she had written about him—about how she loved him, how she craved him, and everything. I was shattered. All of that was written in 2023, and this happened in 2025.
I was heartbroken, and we had a very big conversation about it. It turned out that all of that was just an era where she was depressed and mistaking platonic friendships for love, I guess. Even her mom got involved, and she also said that nothing ever happened. Once again, I chose to move on.
Then, about a month ago, there was a note stuck on her wall (which had been there since I started dating her). One note had “I love you” written in big, bold letters, and the other one had two cats with “us” written on it. I had asked her about it a long time ago because I found it cute, and she said it was made by her little brother and her female friend. Months later, it came up in conversation again, and it turned out it was given to her by her ex—and she lied AGAIN. She said she was scared, anxious, and all that.
Then again, one more thing happened a couple of days ago.
I love her—I really do—and I know she loves me too. I don’t doubt her cheating on me at all. She’s the best girlfriend (except for the stuff I told you all). She’s super sweet and genuinely perfect in every other regard. I don’t want to end what I have with her, but I’m just irritated, and I have this inner repulsive feeling, and I don’t know what to do. It affects me, and I don’t know—am I overthinking? Am I immature? Is this all not that deep? I don’t know.
TL;DR:
I love my girlfriend and don’t believe she’s cheating, but she has repeatedly lied to me about exes and past feelings, which deeply bothers me because I value honesty. I’m confused, hurt, and unsure whether I’m overthinking or if these issues are genuinely serious.