My bf and i have been sexually active for just over a year, and every single time we have used a condom. However i’m on the implant at the moment and i feel incredibly ready to do it without a condom, however he seems to not feel ready at all. I do not want to leave him at all, this man is the love of my life so if you try and say to leave, i won’t respond. I just want to know if this is normal and if there maybe is anything i can do to make him more comfortable with the idea.
25 comments
Of course it is normal. He is concerned about safety and pregnancy. Two things that are very reasonable .
Ask him what he’s scared of? Did he say he’s not ready? Did he explain why? Maybe he doesn’t know about how safe the implant is, try explaining it to him
Have you had the conversation about kids?
Communication fixes basically everything.
Talk about this, about what withholds him from it and the reasons you do wanna do it. How you guys can understand each other and possibly find overlap in how you think as well as fix the differences.
The implant is more than safe, but with sex there always is risk and thats what you should talk about
Lots of misinformation fills people’s heads. See if he will look up reputable articles on the efficacy of birth control methods. Another reason for a guy to want to is concern for STI’s but I assume that shouldn’t be a concern in your relationship. Talk to him in a direct supportive way
Well… if you dont use it and get pregnant, his fear? Child support, limited visitation with his child, and ( although it may be hard to imagine now) manipulation of the court system to “punish” him any way a woman wants.
Nothing will upset your path in life more quickly and substantially than an unplanned pregnancy. Seems like your BF has realized that and doesn’t want to risk it. He’s smart and he’s keeping some of the control in his power to prevent that.
My wife is on the implant and before I felt comfortable not using a condom, we had to have a sit down talk about what happens if we do end up pregnant.
I was comfortable dropping the condom as long as she and I were both on the same page that we would not be keeping a child. If our access to abortion changes, our condom use would resume.
I would suggest such a conversation. And if you aren’t fully on the same page as a couple regarding how you handle a pregnancy, I don’t see why you would drop the condom. Wanting kids sometime in the future doesn’t mean he wants to chance that right now, ya know?
No, you can respect his boundaries though. How would you feel if you were not comfortable doing something sexual and he was online asking people how to convince you to do the thing you already said no to?
Missing info: have you talked with him about what is his fear with this? Why he hesitates on this?
Personally I don’t trust a pill entirely (in case my partner misses one or something else) but an implant is pretty permanent so this might be a personal thing which you should talk. There could be many reasons but why speculate?
Nothing you can do to change a person’s comfort levels with sex and specific sexual behaviors. You can give them your attention, listen to them, help them feel heard, understood, loved, and safe. Only with that trust is it possible – but not guaranteed – that they be open to changes.
For me, long-term sex with a committed, monogamous partner always using condoms is a deal breaker. I just can’t imagine such a great feeling only being reserved for a brief window of, realistically, a few months to a year or so only when trying to conceive. As long as you’re mature enough to be long-term committed, are both open to the possibility of having children at some point, and are monogamous and disease-free, I just don’t see the benefit of a condom alongside a hormonal or IUD contraceptive as worth the difference in feeling. And if the couple is NOT open to children at all, then a vasectomy should also be on the table.
But you can’t change other peoples’ comfort levels and priorities. You can try a little bit with patience and respect but you musn’t become a constant pressure, that’s not a good relationship to have, at some point you need to accept the other person’s boundaries.
Ive had sex like 600-1000 times with my ex girlfriends who had the IUD or was on birth control.
Zero scares. Zero pregnancy’s. ITs suppose to be like 99% effective. The 1% is people who skip, take other medications and it interferes, SOMETHING happens, or they are a miracle.
IMO
Using a condom is his one opportunity (aside from a vasectomy) to use birth control. It is normal for him to want to continue using condoms, and plenty of people use them in addition to other methods of birth control for plenty of reasons. Don’t push the issue.
ask him what his reasons are, reddit doesn’t know any better than you do what his specific circumstances are. see if there are reasonable solutions to them. whatever you do, don’t push. there may not be solutions that he’s comfortable with, and you might have to simply accept that.
beyond the efficacy of contraceptive methods, both getting STI tests before dropping condoms is just good practice.
but yeah, it’s normal. some people simply prefer to use them, no matter what other contraceptive methods are being used.
Very normal. Bringing a child in the world is a big deal.
You both need to read and get better sexual education!
Also, even remotely thinking about leaving your partner because he wants to keep using a condom is insane lmao
Honestly, a conversation and STD tests can help him feel at ease, even if you don’t drop the condoms right away. But totally normal for men to worry. Selene above mentioned having a plan if the implant were to fail, and I think that’s a fantastic idea. Also maybe say he doesn’t have to finish inside you.
Also, on a lighter note, I’m sure if it’s ever dropped he’ll be like “I’ve been missing out on this this whole time? Wow”. But if you plan on being with him for quite some time, then you have time to talk about it it and gradually get there. No rush, this doesn’t have to be “solved” today. It’s on his time
What is his reason? He is concerned about pregnancy? If so, education is the answer. Tell him why you chose that option and teach him about how effective it is.
If he’s not ready, he’s not ready. He has the right to say no. Of course this is normal. If he’s not comfortable without one, then let him be. I would ask him why though.
Men don’t have much in the way of reproductive rights, so it’s understandable why some guys are extremely cautious about how they approach that part of sex, but the implant is literally the one BC method that a guy can truly 100% ensure isn’t going to be rug-pulled from underneath him. She can’t forget to take it, she can’t “forget” to take it, she can’t take it at the wrong time or with the wrong food or other medication, and she can’t have it removed without easy notice because it isn’t required to get all up in her bidness to confirm its existence.
That said, I echo some of the other comments that he needs to learn how effective BC actually is plus you need to communicate and ensure y’all are on the same page as to what happens in the rare event it does fail.
Wait, you thought about leaving him because he wants to use condoms? Am I reading that right?
You need to have a serious conversation about STD’s and unplanned pregnancy. If he’s
concerned about transmitting an STI during sex, testing can help with those concerns and give context to your discussions.
If he’s worried about pregnancy you need to have a serious sit down conversation about how you each would manage an unplanned pregnancy. What doctors will you see, how will you travel to get there, how much money do you both have set aside for healthcare.
Once you are both in complete agreement about managing an unplanned pregnancy, the conversation about sex without certain forms of birth control gets a lot easier. If you can’t agree on managing an unplanned pregnancy *don’t have unprotected sex* even if one of you really wants it.
Wow, there is a first for everything!
It sounds like you need a conversation about his concerns so you can work through them. He may just need more time to process the change.
For me, going to a Dr apt with my partner to discuss birth control was a big help.
I think you’re left with no choice but to leave him.
No method is 100% effective, combining two is safer.
Would you get an abortion if an accidental pregnancy was to happen? If not, then I can’t blame him to be extra careful.
My husband and I still use condoms for PIV.
We do oral or anal when we want skin to skin contact. We are in a 11 years relationship and 35yo.