Tw: gaslighting, threats of suicide
This might be lengthy, I apologize in advance.
I (32 female) have a family that consists of my two sisters, Louise(40) and Janet(39) and our mom.
My family did the best we could to have a decent life, especially my mom being a single-parent.
There is a lot of trauma I have experienced at the hands of both my sisters and mom that I have been expected to sweep under the rug and never mention again. Not light things, either. When I was young, my mom would go to bars and we wouldn’t know when she’d come home. She’d come home drunk and yell at us for being upset. She threw shoes at us and a few times threatened to kill herself.
My sisters are full blooded sisters and from mom’s first marriage. They’ve gone through a lot together that probably impacted their relationship and their relationship to me, an unexpected, significantly younger sibling from a boyfriend my mom had. Either way, they have never reacted well to me making decisions for myself.
My oldest sister Louise has kids that I adore. I helped a lot when they were born and always stepped in when they were sick and generally spent a lot of time with them. This past year, however, Louise has prevented me from seeing them.
I had important personal things I needed to work out and honestly didn’t feel safe talking to them about it as I often feel judged or scolded. There was an event happening and I said I would go, but later changed my mind without fully communicating this – which I have apologized for. Louise saw this as me lying and has refused to let me see the kids. I’ve seen them twice in 2025. The event? Janet’s pumpkin patch birthday.
Janet and I also don’t have a relationship as she said I “don’t have anything left to give” and “I wouldn’t be taken seriously” when I told her about a guy I liked and slept with on the first date back in 2018. Beyond that, she always treated me like her mini-me and I don’t like the way she talks to me. A few years back she asked why we don’t have a conversation. I told her why and she shut the conversation down. I let it go.
Janet said I was lying about her saying that to me back in 2018. So I found the detailed journal entry detailing what she said and how much it hurt. Instead of apologizing for it and for accusing me of lying, my sisters and mom accused me of only seeing things negatively and that my sister was only looking out for me. It 100% did not feel that way.
All to say – they have all said and done things that have caused a lot of trauma. Things that make being around them stressful and triggering. When I have tried to bring this up they tell me the following:
1. I am dredging up past hurt to make them feel miserable
2. It says a lot about me that I’m bringing said things up.
3. This never happened. You’re lying.
4. Everything you’re saying is not true.
5. You also have caused trauma
I have been in therapy for 10 years so I know what gaslighting is. My feelings are wrong and make them miserable yet I’m supposed to fix how I’ve hurt them and listen to them telling me how awful of a person I am for “lying” and not being who they thought I was. At this point I don’t know what to do.
I have apologized for the things I know I could have done better, but also recognize when apologizing would only be putting myself down to make them feel better.
I miss my nephews and I don’t know what to do.
It’s hard seeing my sister tell them “you say or do something hurtful – you fix it and do better” and see adults not being able to do that. I communicate clear boundaries and then ignored. I’m lost.
Would it be better to stay and fight or go no-contact? Is there something I’m not seeing that justifies this behavior from them?
My heart is so heavy and any guidance and advice would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR; I don’t know how to resolve the trauma my family caused me when they constantly gaslight me about it. Along with that, they don’t respect me in any way and have now impacted my relationship with my sister’s children. I stood up for myself and have been demonized for doing so. Would I be better off cutting ties or is there something I should try?