A little context: Me and my partner have been together for almost 3 years. We’ve lived together for a while. In our house, shared with a 3rd roommate, we have our bedroom and a separate living room just for us and friends. My partner has been struggling with depression for a long time now and it has had a major impact on our relationship. Sometimes I wonder what things I should blame on the depression and what things are just genuine incompatibilities between us.
We got really close to breaking up the other day and then they said what they think would really help their mental health: having separate bedrooms. They said they want a space that is just theirs to have control over (which I understand) and that it would help both of us feel less obligated to spend time together but choose to because we want to. They also said it would help them with personal responsibility which would in turn help with their depression.
Obviously, I understand why they want this for a lot of reasons but part of me feels like it’s putting a band-aid on a stab wound. There are so many things we have struggled with that I feel like they havent even begun to work on, so their first big change being separate bedrooms feels concerning. They dont take me on dates or plan anything because they say they’re overwhelmed. We dont have sex because they’re depressed and have a low sex drive. They forget things and every standard we have in our relationship, I’ve had to beg and fight for. But they’re also so lovely to me. They validate me and support me physically and emotionally. They’re my favorite person and my best friend. I never get bored of them and love our time together. We have been through so much and put so much effort into building what we have. I just don’t know if its enough.
Part of me wonders if we should have separate bedrooms to help them and help our relationship or we should just call it and have separate bedrooms because of a breakup. There have been other moments in our relationship where they have asked me to change things to help their depression (take care of myself, ask less of them, etc.) and I HAVE made those changes. With no change on their end. So this just feels like another thing I have to change in order for them to feel better with little chance of it fixing anything. Looking for advice, opinions and and experiences. Happy to hear anything that might help put things into perspective for me. Thank you.