I feel like if I’m coming to reddit to ask if I should break up with my bf then I probably should, but whatever I’m going to ask anyways.
My boyfriend and I have been together for a year. This is my first relationship, but my bf has had several partners before me. We met while we were living in different cities and I ended up moving to his city partially because of the relationship and partially because of work. So we were long distance for the first 3 ish months when we were just getting to know each other (frequent visits tho) and the first 5 months after we put an official label on our relationship. When we were long distance the relationship felt easy. I always looked forward to the time we would spend together, usually one or two weekends every month. We would always go out on dates during these weekends and he would always pay for things. He is better at communication than I am and he has helped me to learn that it is safe to communicate and be open about how I really feel. This was especially important when we were long distance. Now that we live in the same city, we spend almost all of our free time together. We are both college students and have jobs, so our schedules are pretty busy, but we manage. Even if it’s just having a sleepover at his place or mine.
I don’t remember the exact point in our relationship that I started having thoughts about breaking up with him, but I know it has been at least a few months since they began. In the beginning it was a fleeting thought. I know I have an avoidant attachment style and it’s something I’m really trying to work on, so I thought those thoughts were just stemming from my fear of intimacy. Recently tho (the last month or so) the thoughts about breaking up are at the forefront of my mind. Every time we have a slight disagreement it’s like my mind is flooded with everything he has done wrong. Though he hasn’t technically done anything terribly wrong, I do sometimes think back to a few instances at the beginning of our relationship that I don’t know if I ever got over(I had to tell him to stop talking about his exes, he admitted to having an adult content addiction 4 months into the relationship, and there was one time he hung out with a girl alone and didn’t tell me about it). We have had conversations about all of these things and his behavior has changed after the discussions, but for some reason I still feel like I’m holding a grudge. I know it’s not fair to him, but I would never do those things to him so I don’t understand how he could do them to me.
Additionally our life in bed has not been the greatest. I don’t feel satisfied most of the time. I know he is trying and I have been open about how I feel, but it really just isn’t doing it for me.
Also, our hobbies are very different. He is a gamer at heart and that’s what he spends his alone time doing. I enjoy going to the gym, anything competitive or anything that gives me adrenaline and doing crafty things. Big nature gal. Sometimes we try to engage in each other’s hobbies. I don’t know how he feels about the crafts, but he is definitely not a thrill seeker like me. I’m beginning to question if our differences in hobbies will make us compatible in the long run. I don’t enjoy video games for the most part. In the beginning I tried to understand why he likes them so much, but now when he asks me to play with him I almost get annoyed. I don’t know if having a partner that doesn’t enjoy thrill seeking is going to work for me in the long run. It makes it harder to find things we both enjoy doing. It also kind of icks me out that gaming is his only hobby.
And lastly, I’m honestly just missing the freedom of being single. Don’t get me wrong, I also enjoy the benefits of being in a relationship and the thought of being without him makes me really sad. But I also miss not having to send good morning or good night texts everyday and not having to take anyone into consideration when making big decisions or even just my plans for the day. He is very attached to me and has even said that sometimes he feels like he needs me more than I need him. He asks for reassurance a lot and sometimes it annoys me. I understand asking to a point, but it’s like he gets insecure at even the mention of another guy or anytime I go out with friends without him. I don’t want to lie to him, but because of all of the thoughts I’ve had about breaking up recently, I almost feel insincere when I reassure him. I do love him very deeply, but I don’t know if I am in love with him anymore. I’m not sure if I want to be with the same person for the rest of my life and he has made it very clear that he wants to get married one day. My lack of clarity about what I want my life to look like in the future makes me feel like I’m leading him on because his plans for the future are very concrete. I don’t want to throw away this relationship when he hasn’t done anything terribly wrong and he treats me so well. Something just feels off.
Do you think I am getting in my head or are these legit deal breakers? I haven’t had a good role model for a relationship at any point in my life and I’m so confused. Please help :,(