My & my husband are both 28 married for 2 yrs. He loves his space & isn’t really fond of sharing it sometimes. This! I understand now, after some insanely heated arguments. As of recently I’ve been working on giving him his space, which I have. I stopped asking questions.
He always talked to people online before we met (gamed with them etc.) Even his closest friends he met online. That’s one aspect of his life that he keeps close to himself & never shares with me.
It honestly drives me nuts and I hate it. I noticed that asking him only leads to arguments, but recently I cracked and asked him who he was talking to on the computer. I was in the other room & kept hearing him typing away and laughing, so… as I got up to ask who he’s talking to and as I was getting closer I hear his computer mouse clicking away so fast & his response was OBVIOUSLY, “I’m not talking to anyone.”
I don’t buy it. He’s so shady sometimes & it’s literally the ONLY thing that throws me off about him because he’s an amazing husband overall. Idk how to stop driving him crazy. Is it normal or me or not? Like is it him or me??? Please share some advice (plz don’t say therapy.) How did you learn to respect your spouses/ husbands space without feeling hurt by it????!!!
4 comments
Why are you asking people not to recommend therapy?
Based on what you’ve written here, this doesn’t sound like it’s about space, it’s about trust and you feeling like he’s secretive.
My husband and I respect each other’s space. We also don’t hide who we are talking to or keep parts of our lives secret or get annoyed when the other asks about our friendships / colleagues / other relationships. He respects my privacy and doesn’t need to be part of all my conversations / relationships (and vice versa) but they aren’t being kept from him and I don’t get upset / annoyed with him when he asks me about who I’m talking to, etc.
If you can’t clearly communicate or come to some agreements about privacy / secrecy and what’s appropriate for your relationship, then therapy will likely be the best way for you two to sort this out successfully.
Sounds shady. I don’t think you’re the problem at all, it’s not weird to ask. I’m sure if the roles were reversed he would be jealous and curious.
You’re not crazy for feeling uneasy.
Wanting transparency in a marriage is normal.
Space is fine, secrecy is different.
You can respect his independence without ignoring your instincts.
This needs an honest boundary talk, not silence or self-blame.
Trust your instinct.